


Something Wicked This Way Comes

by UltimateOptimist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Cancer, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:22:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateOptimist/pseuds/UltimateOptimist
Summary: Set in season 3 - half canon.Sam is becoming more and more disillusioned by his role in the Bartlet Administration, it's been a tough few months for all the White House Staff. Then Sam gets a diagnosis that rocks his world.*Warning mentions of cancer please don't read if this upsets you.*
Relationships: C. J. Cregg/Sam Seaborn, Josh Lyman/Sam Seaborn, Sam Seaborn/Toby Ziegler
Comments: 28
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first multi-chaptered fic in the WW universe. It's a plot bunny which will not leave me alone.  
> I mean no offence, nor disrespect to any one suffering this awful disease, or anyone who knows someone who is/has dealt with this. 
> 
> I have a few chapters written - let me know if you want to read anymore 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters or universe. Kind of wish they were real and in power though.

“So then…..” Sam’s attention from Josh’s story is disrupted by the wave of nausea which washes over him. Not again. He puts down the sandwich in his hand, and tries to swallow down the bile rising in his throat. Not again, not now. The White house senior staff are actually sitting having a normal lunch, not full of anger, tension or bickering. It was nice until the all-familiar nausea started. 

“Excuse me,” Sam mumbles, pushing his chair out from circle around CJ’s table and walks quickly towards the nearest bathroom. His stomach immediately lurches and he loses everything he has managed to eat in the last few hours – which wasn’t much to start with. 

He swears softly as he rocks back on his heels. That wasn’t the first episode like that in the past month or so. At first Sam felt it could be stress, but he has to admit it’s becoming more frequent, and he’s starting to become more concerned. He takes a few deep breathes as the floor swims underneath him. He must be away longer then he thought because soon enough Josh’s voice carry through. 

“Sam? You ok?” His friend asks.

“Uh Yeah,” Sam replies, honestly a little surprised it’s Josh who follows him. Maybe that isn’t fair but they haven’t been as close lately.

“You sick?” Josh asks after a moment.

“Uh..yeah, must be something I’ve ate.” Sam insists, voice hoarse from the retching, he tries not to let the weariness show in his voice. God he’s tired. He’s been tired for the past few weeks, well months.

“You sure?” Josh asks hesitantly, clearly not quite believing him. 

“Yeah,” Sam coughs as another wave of nausea washes over him. “I’ll be out in a minute.” Clearly wanting to be left alone. Josh takes the hint and goes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam tries not to think too much about it in the weeks that follow. He’s tired and nauseous and his bone feels like they ache. After another week CJ corners him concerned. He books an appointment at the doctor’s office. He slips out at lunchtime one Monday quickly, has some bloods taken and is reassured that it is likely a virus. 

He takes the mollycoddling from CJ, grateful that Toby and Josh seem too preoccupied to notice – he drinks plenty of fluids and accepts the light lunches she drops at his desk with good grace. Then the phone rings. His doctor is concerned about his blood test results – he mentions anaemia, and a few other things that Sam doesn’t quite understand but knows enough that they suggest something more sinister. Then he hears the word biopsy and his stomach lurches – Cancer? He numbly agrees to the appointment the next day, concerned at the doctors grave tone and the need for urgency. 

“Sam, I need you to meet with Alderson, again.” Toby’s at his door, startling Sam who us slowly putting the receiver down. 

“Sorry what?” Sam’s head snaps up. Clearly, he looks as pale as he feels because Toby is closing the door stepping inside to his office, apprehension on his face.

“I need you to meet with Alderson, tomorrow.” Toby repeats again, the impatience he feels evident in his voice.

Sam nods, then sighs ““I…Uh…I need some time tomorrow afternoon.” 

“What? Sam…” Toby cannot help but exclaim as his first reaction. 

He’s noticed Sam hasn’t been on his game as such lately – tired, drifting in and out at staff. He wondered if it’s because Sam is still angry, frustrated – both professionally and personally. There’s a darker thought that’s beginning to rear its ugly head – because he never expected Sam to start withdrawing from this, from them – that something else is going on. Truthfully, he was concerned about his friend, Sam had been off his game for weeks – they all are off kilter but Sam just hadn’t been…well. He was tired, quick to anger and looked washed out. At first Toby thought it was from the long hours, the constant secret meetings, the stress of preparing for re-election whilst trying to deal with the betrayal of the president and his father in quick succession. Lately Toby suspected it was more than that, Sam barely ate – he stopped drinking so much coffee, the star-all-nighter was tired at midnight. Then CJ had expressed concern after he was sick last week.

“I know.” Sam replies flatly looking up at Toby, and his boss is relieved to see some fight on his eyes. 

“It’s not…I’ll work around it…It’s important Toby.” Sam sighs and drops his gaze he is not sure he wants to really explain it all yet. 

“Sam? What’s going on?” Toby deflates at Sam’s insistence - an uneasy feeling in his stomach. 

Toby exhales for a moment, the sick feeling in his stomach only growing. 

“Sam what’s going on?” He asks as Sam doesn’t answer.

“I have to go for some tests, at GW.” Sam explains trying to talk around the lump in his throat, gaze focused on his desk. 

Toby nods for a second not liking that Sam will not look at him, or the tone of his voice. 

“I’ve not been feeling too well lately,” Sam concedes, rubbing his eyes and staring at the desk. 

“I’m anaemic and the doctor wants further tests done to try and find out what’s going on.” 

Toby just nods, sensing Sam hasn’t quite finished, even if his deputy hasn’t realised himself.

“It’s….It’s a biopsy.” Sam blurts out, looking surprised at the admission himself. 

“Ok,” Toby nods slowly. “Do you need. Do you want me to come with you?” Toby asks trying to ignore the sick, shocked feeling in his stomach. He is worried, surprised, you don’t expect 30-something- year olds to be tested for cancer.

Sam smiles softly, grateful for the people he works for, his friends. “No I’m ok,” Toby nods looking so crestfallen Sam can barely stand it when he is brave enough to raise his eyes. Clearly his boss wants to feel useful, and isn’t used to being a by-stander.

“Maybe you could be on standby though just incase?” 

Toby smiles and nods – he can do that, he turns to leave sensing that Sam would rather have some time to himself. 

“Toby? CJ, Josh…they don’t know yet, I don’t want them to know unless there’s something to know.” Sam looks at him, solemn.

Toby nods and leaves.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam grimaces and bites his lip as he painfully pulls his trousers on. He’s sitting on the chair, and leaning forward just makes his head spin more than it did already, not helping the queasy feeling in his stomach. The bone marrow biopsy was more painful than he was expecting, and Sam never did well with anaesthetic. He’s nauseous and shaky; and Sam really doesn’t really think he can drive home. He tries to ties his shoes but his hands are shaking too much, and he feels hot. The whole day has been exhausting, and a lot more than he expected. 

“Hey honey, do you have a ride?” The nurse asks as she walks into the room placing a hand to steady him. She’s a bit concerned, the young man in front of him is clearly struggling, and she swears she saw car keys in his bag before. 

“I…uh…no,” Sam leans back in his seat, closing his eyes against the light-headedness. 

“Sam, you can’t drive like this,” she places a hand on her hip looking stern. Despite only meeting Sam Seabourn this afternoon, she cannot feel a stab of fondness. The man in front of her is important, she watches enough of the news to know his face and name, but appears nothing but sincere and kind. It’s a shame that he’s facing such a diagnosis – but then it always is, for every person.

“I know,” Sam sighs softly, “can you call me a cab?” He asks hopefully, swallowing thickly. He really does feel awful.

“How about a friend?” She counter offers. Sam sighs resigned. He knows there is every likelihood he would vomit in any moving vehicle – which might make a cab ride difficult.

“Sam you’ve spent all afternoon being prodded and poked…..you don’t need a ride, you need a friend. I bet you haven’t even told anyone about this?” She rubs his back softly. 

“No…..you’re right,” Sam exhales softly. Painfully he reaches into his bag and dials an all familiar number. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“No we need…we need…..” Toby’s train of thought is interrupted by the all familiar ring of his cell-phone. Sighing he pulls it out, and glances at the caller ID. Instantly he stops, concerned he is aware Sam is at the hospital, and the fact he’s calling him rather than either heading home, or back to the Whitehouse cannot be a good sign. 

“Can you excuse me,” he steps out from the meeting of the communications department.

“Sam you ok?” He asks quietly, stepping out from the Rooservelt room into the office. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Toby is anxious. Sam sounded…. well bad, on the phone he steps back into Leo’s office after reassuring Sam that he would come up to GW. He barely listens to what Josh is ranting about, instead watches the time – promising his deputy that he would there as soon as possible. Toby also knows that he needs to tell Leo some of what is going on. He had abruptly ended the meeting, citing some other business and headed straight to let Leo know where he was going. Unfortunately, Josh had came in with a last-minute thing and 20 minutes later Toby was no closer to getting to GW. 

“Everything alright?” Leo asks as he dismisses the pair, and Toby stays put. He senses the tension in communications manager and is aware that Sam has been absent in all the meetings of the day so far.

“Yeah….That was Sam I have…he’s at GW” Toby explains.

“Is he alright?” The chief of staff asks immediately concerned and pissed off that his staff was at the hospital and he didn’t now. He is also quick to notice that A) Toby doesn’t appeared shocked and B) Josh clearly didn’t know as he would be insisting to be there, so this is clearly something which was planned.

“He’s had to go for tests,” Toby explained, “He’s ok but he can’t drive home.” 

Leo nods, face impassive but concerned – the fact that Sam can’t drive home from the tests is concerning. “Serious tests?” He guesses, aware there’s not many tests which would render you unable to drive home. 

Toby just nods and Leo closes his eyes with a sigh, “Damnit” 

“I’m going to work from his place this afternoon.” Toby explains, “Josh and CJ…no-one else knows.” 

Leo nods,” Tell him to take off tomorrow too.”

Toby nods, and leaves as quick as he can.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Toby,” Sam’s smile is wan and tired as he greets the older man. 

“You ok?” Toby asks eyebrows raised in concern. Sam looks, well awful as he sits on the chair. The older man doesn’t think he has ever seen his deputy look so pale. 

“Yeah,” Sam still tries to insist despite the fact he’s almost certain he is swaying in his seat. 

“I’m sorry, I just…I don’t think I can drive,” Sam admits. 

“You certainly cannot drive,” Abby comes back with a bag of medication, she smiles at Toby. “I’m Abby, I’ve been looking after Sam today.” 

“You deserve a raise then,” Toby jokes, unable to tear his eyes from his clearly unwell friend who has his eyes shut again. 

“She sure does,” Sam agrees taking a deep breath, eyes still closed. 

“Sam I have you some pain relief and anti-nausea meds. You’re going to have to take it easy for a few days, and watch the stitches. They’ll need to come out in 7 days ok?” She tells him, sitting down next to him and giving his knee a gentle squeeze. 

“Ok,” Sam agrees tiredly opening one eye. 

“The doctor will call you once the results are in,” she explains softly.

Toby cannot help but ask, “how long will that be?” 

Abby looks at Sam who quirks a soft smile at his typical question, and nods his permission for her to say.

“4 or 5 days,” Abby reassures him. “Take care of yourself Sam, you can go whenever you feel ready.” 

“Thanks Abby,” Sam sighs and decides to push himself up because if he doesn’t move now he isn’t going to. Instantly the room spins around him, and his stomach churns. Toby wasn’t sure that Sam could get any paler but sure enough he does, gently he places a steadying hand on his arm. 

“Let’s get you home ok.” 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
Sam sighs as he turns over in bed. He feels exhausted, Toby had helped him into the car and the long walk to his apartment and into bed. The speech writer had clocked the laptop bag in Toby’s car and was apologetic that he couldn’t work from home with the other man. 

FLASHBACK  
“Sam you can barely stand up,” Toby’s voice is full of fond exasperation. “It’s ok, we can work out the rest in the next few days. Today’s been rough and you need to rest.” 

Sam stumbles into his bedroom, exhausted and lightheaded. He knows he should argue –they’re on the road to re-election now, and with the internal battles within their own party, the fallout of the censure and MS revelation it’s been a really tough few months. 

“I’m going to do some work from here” Toby tells him, rather then asks. “I’m going to grab you some water, some meds and you’re going to sleep.” 

Sam just nods grateful he has sweatpants on so he can just curl up under the covers. The nausea medication has helped but his head is pounding and his hip throbbing. He forces himself to remain upright until Toby comes back with a glass of water and the various pill bottles. 

“Sam, Leo knows. I was in with him when you called me.” Toby decides to tell his deputy now, when the younger man is so out of it he won’t spend the next two hours obsessing over it.

“He guessed it was serious,” Toby continues, “we can talk about it when you’re feeling better ok.” His voice is soft, the tone he saves for the rarer occasions like an apology, or a heartfelt discussion. It’s a side Sam is very grateful he gets to see. He nods too tired to really take in the implication of the words and lets Toby help him curl up under the covers. 

END FLASHBACK

He feels better this morning, his headache is still there and the pain in his hip is still very much present. For the first time since he took the phonecall from his doctor he has time to process. What if this is bad news? In his heart he knows it’s bad news – he can tell in the fatigue he feels, the aching of his joints. His doctor suspects Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. 

He isn’t sure how he’s going to tell his family, his friends? Will he have to quit his job? How can do his role on treatment? The thoughts make his head swim and the panic grow. Slowly he tries to calm himself, he has 4 days of pretending before he knows for sure. He needs to concentrate on that. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It’s almost painful for Toby to watch Sam limp into the living room first thing – drawn and pale. Toby had let himself in with a spare key – insisting on at least driving Sam to work and swing by after to pick up his car – although after watching him trying to stroll into the living room he wonders if he can ask Leo , or one of the secret service guys to drive it back instead – no questions asked. 

“Morning,” Sam smiles, it’s forced, and tired but Toby almost lets him off the hook until he watches his deputy wince as he stops.

“Sam,” Toby sighs, pointedly looking at him, Sam can barely weight-bear on his left side. 

“I can blame it on an…accident, only time my clumsiness will be a plus,” Sam jokes, shrugging on his coat. Toby sighs but he knows that he is not going to win this one. He takes a moment to really look at the limping man – he doesn’t look all that better then yesterday, more awake but otherwise just as pale. 

“Sam, you ok?” Toby cannot help but ask. It occurred to him last night when he was trying to work out how to use Sam’s coffee machine, that his protegee hasn’t spoken to anyone about his possible diagnosis. All Sam had told him was that no-one else knew. Toby was concerned about that, Sam wears his heart on his sleeve a lot of the time, his emotions evident but he rarely explains them. Sam hadn’t been annoyed about Leo guessing, much to Toby’s relief and had resolved himself to speak to him after staff. 

Sam pauses for a minute and exhales softly, his shoulders drop and Toby truly sees for the first time how exhausted his friend is.

“ I don’t know…I just….Can we go to work? I just want to feel normal, well as normal as I can for now.” Sam raises his eyes to meet his boss’. Toby sees the pleading in his eyes, and the slight desperation in his voice and nods. 

“I have 4 days to be blissfully ignorant…Can I just try that?” Sam continues, more thinking aloud than anything else.

Toby feels a swell of emotion at the words, not really sure what to say to that. “Yeah Sam, but…you need anything you come to me ok?” He isn’t sure if Sam really will reach out, but he has to offer.  
Sam’s grateful smile helps sooth his troubled soul a little.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“Samshine what’s happened?” CJ exclaims as she spots their deputy communications manager limping to senior staff.

“Pulled my hip at the gym,” Sam lies so easily that Toby has to wonder what else he lies so well about – he’s known to be the worst liar of the senior staff, Toby can’t help but wonder if it’s serious enough, Sam manages. CJ raises her eyebrows, clearly not quite buying it.

“He’s a klutz” Toby tries to shrug off nonchalantly. 

“Looks painful,” Josh chips in barely glancing up from his memo. Toby rolls his eyes at the comment -typical Josh at the moment, wrapped up in all things Amy Gardner and work. He holds the door open for Sam to step into.  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam continues for the whole week – the pain in his hip eases somewhat by the end of the week but still causes him to sit more then he would normally – well that and the tiredness. He speaks to Leo briefly, lets him know that he will let the older man know as soon as he knows any results; thanks him for his offer of help, and reassure him that no he doesn’t want any additional time off just yet. 

Toby’s great – he is kind, thoughtful but in an understated way. CJ as always steps up despite not knowing the whole picture, using her intuition. Josh – well Josh is blissfully unaware. Sam isn’t sure if he’s annoyed by the lack of attention or relieved. In one way it’s a sign of how far the pair have drifted in their friendship as the administration has rumbled on – no longer finding time to sit in each other’s office, or drinks after work. In the other it is another thing Sam doesn’t have to think about.  
Then day 5 rolls around – and his world tilts again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam doesn't get the results he had hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you for all the lovely comments, Kudos and bookmarks - please keep them coming if you like. My aim is to try and update every week. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Don't own the characters...

Sam sighs as he checks his phone signal for the third time that morning. He had been checking his phone religiously since he got in – wanting to make sure he didn’t loose his signal, even though he is well aware after two years in the Whitehouse that his cell can always be reached in the building. His doctor’s office wasn’t keen to give news over the phone, but given the nature of Sam’s job had made allowances. It didn’t feel Sam with much hope the news was good. 

“Coffee Sam?” Bonnie asks from the doorway. Truthfully she was a little concerned at how distracted her boss seems to be this week.

Sam says yes automatically, mind still on the expected phone-call. Honestly, he knows it’s bad news – he can’t feel like this and get good news. Sam hopes the call will come sooner rather then later, Toby had made sure his schedule was light today – a few phone-calls to return, meeting Ainsley to go over some legal proceedings for the new amendment to the education bill. It’s a good day to hide himself away, or leave work if he needs to.

“Morning Sam,” It’s CJ at the door. 

“Morning,” he smiles but internally winces as he realises it’s clearly as forced as it feels. He looks at her, trying to keep his expression blank hoping she’d either leave, or follow the conversation. CJ hesitates and Sam knows he’s close to being found out. 

“Sam are you ok?” She asks, stepping into the room and closing the door. “You just…seem distracted, and well not yourself.” 

Sam sighs and gestures for her to take a seat. 

“I really do appreciate your concern,” Sam tells her sincerely, and all CJ can think is how tired he looks. “I just haven’t been feeling too well recently,” not a lie but an understatement. 

“The other day, that wasn’t the gym was it?” She asks immediately realising – it makes sense how Sam had been behaving recently, then the sudden hip injury. At first she believed her friend- why wouldn’t she? Sam was also the least likely to lie, because despite his job he was often the worst at it, but then the week had continued and he looked so drawn and tired when his face wasn’t schooled into a smile. Still to hear him admit it, she felt sick with shock – grasping the seriousness of the situation. 

“No,” Sam shakes his head and taking her hand across the desk, “When I know you’ll know.” 

CJ nods giving his hand a squeeze, not able to offer anything reassuring but showing some support. Sam understands and gives her hand a squeeze back. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Of course they’re in Leo’s office when his cell rings. The nervous butterflies in his stomach intensify as he spots the now-familiar number of his doctor’s office. He looks to Leo, who blank-faced as ever nods his approval to be excused. Uncharacteristically Sam doesn’t offer a polite excuse me, he just exits into corridor. CJ looks over at Toby, and the communications director knows instantly she knows. 

Josh, for his part doesn’t even seem to be bothered by the interruption or notice Sam’s lack of usual politeness. He just looks at his notebook. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Good Morning Sam,” Dr Matthews voice greets him. “How are you this morning?” 

“Good Morning, honestly a little nervous,” Sam continues as he hurries down the corridor, trying to get to some where as private as possible – the Roosevelt room, although open with all the windows is the closest empty room, and so he dives in. He stands with his back a wall where he knows there is a blind spot. 

“I’ll get right to it Sam, the tests….they don’t show what we had hoped.” Sam closes his eyes at the news, although suspected to have it confirmed takes his breath away. He forces himself in a chair, no longer caring for privacy as his legs threaten to buckle. 

“Ok,” Sam manages to say, voice hoarse. “What do they show?” 

“It’s Hodgkins Lymphoma. Stage 2. Sam this is treatable, but we need to get you started as soon as possible.” Sam barely registers the words, he tries to cling on to the word treatable. 

“When?” He asks, throat very dry.   
“Can you come in tomorrow morning, say 8am? We can talk through the treatment schedule. Sam you’re young, otherwise fit. This is beatable.” His doctor reassures him. 

“Yeah ok.” Sam doesn’t even know what he has on tomorrow, not that it really matters. He vaguely thinks him and Josh might have a meeting together on the hill at 9. Will it take that long? 

“Sam? You still there.” Clearly given the concern in his doctor’s voice this wasn’t the first cue he has missed to reply.

“Sorry, yeah,” Sam exhales, rubbing at his forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow first thing.” His doctor signs off leaving Sam sitting in the Roosevelt office, starting at his now blank screen of his phone. He checks the time – the senior staff meeting is still ongoing, but he isn’t really sure what to do next. Does he go back in? No, he can’t face the idea of telling them all quite yet. He could go get some coffee and maybe doughnuts for him and Ainsley – his next meeting, but it isn’t for an hour or so. He sits for another moment, thinking about his options when a knock at the door startles him – it’s Donna. 

“Hey Sam, is senior staff over already?” Donna asks as she opens the door, surprised to see him in the room as she walked down to Mess. 

“Urgh no I just had to take a quick phone call.” Sam replies, hearing his own voice as if it was coming from underwater. 

“You heading back? I can walk down that way with you” Donna offers, unaware of the turmoil of her friend. 

“I think I’m just going to get started on the day,” Sam mentally shakes himself and stands up. 

“Ok do you want anything from downstairs?” The blonde asks – always looking after people. 

“No thanks,” Sam smiles and walks a quick as possible back to his office. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Toby sighs as he walks back to the communications bullpen. He’s due in the Roosevelt room for a meeting in 5 minutes, aware he is pushing it to be on time, but he needs to try and find Sam. There’s an awful sense of foreboding in his stomach, which as much as the older man tries to pass off as his usual pessimistic self, he realises is his gut feeling something is wrong – and he isn’t often wrong.   
He sighs as he spots Sam’s closed office door , the blinds still open and he make the outline of his deputy,– further confirming the suspicion that the news hasn’t been good. The rest of the senior staff meeting had been difficult to say the least – he was aware of CJ’s distraction, Leo’s understated concern, and Josh’s obvious obliviousness. 

Sam and Josh. Just the thought of the pair of friends and Toby can feel his blood pressure rise. The two hadn’t had the best of relationships lately, and Toby wasn’t quite sure how best to help them with their relationship, but he knew Sam needed all the support he could.

Uncharacteristically he knocks softly on the door before entering his deputy’s office, not even bothering if anyone noticed. Sam’s focused hard on the legal pad in front of him, but isn’t writing anything, and Toby’s aware that the amount of notes are the same as yesterday.

“Hey Sam,” Toby greets, closing the door and settling in in the visitors chair across the desk. 

Sam lifts his head up, and Toby knows instantly the news wasn’t good. Bile rises in his throat, but he swallows it done, and grateful for his poker face he dares to ask. 

“What’s the verdict?” 

Sam sighs, putting his pen down and rubbing his forehead. “Hodgkins Lymphoma, Stage 2. The doctor seems optimistic, I need to see him tomorrow.” 

Toby nods, a little dumbstruck despite expecting less then stellar news. 

“I might not make that meeting on the Hill,” Sam warns, leaning back in his chair. 

“Sam, why don’t you take the next few days,” Toby offers quietly – but it appears Sam doesn’t even register the words. 

“Which means I need to brief Josh today, or someone else does…” Sam continues, “and he doesn’t do so well with Anderson…unless we move it a little, maybe 10?” Toby grows even more concern as Sam becomes more animated and stands up suddenly, pacing behind his desk. “That would give me time to get back, and I could prep Josh tomorrow instead….”

“Sam….Sam.” Toby stands up, placing himself right in front of his deputy so he can catch his eye. Sam falters, and puts his hands in his pockets – looking so unsure of himself that Toby is reminded vividly of the young man brought in at the start of the campaign – god he looks so young, and lost all over again. 

“ Just breathe…..You alright?” Toby asks, using the soft voice Sam remembers from when they discussed the MS revelation, from when Sam has been up all night with insomnia, crippled with self-doubt regarding speeches and decisions he’s made. 

Sam closes his eyes for a second inhaling and exhaling deeply. “Sorry, yeah I mean…well no….but I want to work today,” he insists. 

Toby nods, “Ok but you need to tell Leo at least.”

Sam nods resignedly. 

“If you change your mind Sam just let me know before you go, or Ginger.” Toby continues calmly and Sam is just relieved Toby isn’t panicking like he is. 

“Sam, if you need to talk about this, I’m here….whenever that is – any time, any day.” Toby reassures him placing a comforting arm on his arm. Sam draws a little strength from the words and the touch.  
“Thanks Toby” Sam smiles, clearly grateful.

“Want to grab a coffee, maybe take a walk around DC?” Toby offers knowing how much Sam likes to be outside to clear his head. Plus their schedules are deliberately lighter than normal this morning. Toby has to return a few phone calls, but otherwise he doesn’t have any meetings until noon. Sensing Sam’s hesitation, “We don’t have to talk.” Toby smirks despite the seriousness of the situation because Sam always wants to talk. 

“Ok, I should probably tell Leo first.” Sam concedes rubbing his eyes. 

“I’ll be in my office,” Toby leaves, allowing Sam a moment before he goes to find Leo. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam works the rest of the day, but when it comes to going home for the evening he really didn’t want to go home. He and Toby had gone for a walk, and Sam hadn’t had much time to think through the afternoon thanks to Bruno scheduling a last minute re-election meeting, and the latest amendment to the education bill. 

“Sam do you need anything else?” Bonnie asked from his doorway. 

“No thanks Bonnie, have a good night” Sam smiles tiredly, as he flicks through the latest report on education. The assistant smiles and wishes him a good evening.

“You don’t have a home to go to?” CJ’s voice asks him an hour or so later.

“Hey CJ,” Sam smiles, waiting for when the press secretary was going corner him. She had been reserved all day, watching him carefully, but not asking the questions she is so desperate to ask. 

“Buy you dinner?” CJ offers, it’s only 7pm – relatively early for the Whitehouse senior staff. 

“Can it be takeout?” Sam offers, not wanting to have this conversation in a restaurant. He didn’t sleep well last night, and the idea of sinking into his sofa with some company makes him feel at ease for the first time all day. 

“Your place or mine?” CJ smirks.

“Mine,” Sam wearily gets to his feet. “Is Josh around?” He may as well get this over with. 

“He’s already left, something to do with Amy.” CJ replies and Sam sighs. He doesn’t begrudge Josh for having a girlfriend.

“Penny for them?” CJ asks after a moment.

“Not sure they’re worth it.” Sam shrugs instead. 

“C’mon I’m hungry.” CJ nods to the doorway.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“So what time am I coming with you tomorrow?” CJ asks, as she plucks Sam’s carton out of his hands – he wasn’t really eating it anyway. The pair had spent the last hour discussing Sam’s diagnosis, and how he’d been feeling recently. CJ's brain jumps straight into action - the default setting for a Whitehouse senior staffer - action plan first then digest her feelings. 

“CJ you don’t have to,” Sam protests, looking as weary as CJ has ever seen him. 

“Sam you can’t go on your own” CJ insists. “This is…well this is a lot to take in.” 

Sam huffs at the understatement. 

“Or at least let someone pick you up, I can sit in the car?” CJ pushes, seeing the younger man wavering.

“It’s at 8, you can’t…no-one can.” Sam rubs his forehead, clearly fighting back his true feelings of wanting some comfort. The all familiar headache lately is starting again at his temples.

“Sam,” CJ sighs, she wants nothing more to come with him, but she’ll need to prepare for the press briefing. 

“I’ll be ok,” Sam insists which would be more persuasive if he wasn’t sinking into his sofa with exhaustion – both physical and emotional. He still felt vaguely in shock with the situation. 

“Will you call me right after?” CJ makes him promise.

“I’ll come find you when I get in,” Sam compromises. 

“I’m tired,” Sam admits after a little while.

“I know Spanky,” CJ wraps her arm around him, sensing both the physical and emotional gravity of the words. She flicks- on the TV to watch some football, letting her friend rest. She realises his need for some grounding, some comfort. Sam has to admit it’s the most relaxed he’s been since this all started. Sam sinks into her embrace, as if able to soak up her strength. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sits on the bench outside the coffee place that is around the corner from his doctor’s office, mind reeling from the onslaught of the information. It’s 8.30am, and really he should ring the office, because he knows Toby, Leo and CJ will be desperate for news but he just wants a few minutes to himself. The thought of the three brings up another painful thought – telling Josh. He knows the two haven’t been as close recently, and unfairly Sam acknowledges he cannot help but wonder how supportive Josh would be? Recently Josh hadn’t been quite fair to his friend, and Sam feels more resentful at the fact he seems to be left out or the last to know regarding any information. This compared with how he was feeling generally had been feeling meant Sam hadn’t socialised with his best friend out of work for a while now – well that and the fact Josh was besotted with a certain brunette. 

Sighing and shaking his head to stop the current line of thinking Sam thought back to the information the doctor had given him this morning. Sam had several booklets and documents in his briefcase, but essentially the doctor wanted to treat him with chemotherapy – 8 cycles in two week blocks initially, with chemotherapy on day 2 and 15 that Sam could attend as an outpatient. He hated to admit it but having someone with him would have helped – the whole thing feels very overwhelming – Sam had nodded blindly along and agreed that they would start the treatment by the end of the week. The doctor had assured him that the treatment didn’t mean he would loose his hair necessary, but it would likely thin and he should think about freezing his sperm if he wanted to have children in the future. Sam breathes out as the enormity of the situation hits him – god kids? He was a single 32 year old – he hadn’t even thought about children, and now he had to freeze his sperm as the poison that they would inject into him on Friday would likely make him infertile. The ringing of his cell-phone brought him out of his thoughts. Sam sighed again as he saw the caller ID – Josh. This meant he had to get back to work.

“Sam? Could you meet with the vice president this morning?” Josh’s voice asks. In typical Josh fashion there is no pre-amble, no question as to where he is either. Sam vaguely wonders if Josh had ran this past Toby first – because surely Toby would have tried to put him off. 

“Uh sure,” Sam rubs his forehead as he sips his coffee, “What time?”

“9.30?” Josh sounds distracted already, clearly discussing something with Donna on the other end of the phone. Sam tries not to take it as him being dismissive, and normally he wouldn’t but in all fairness the past 24 hours have turned his life upside down. 

“That a question?” Sam is un-characteristically sharp which at least gains his friends attention.

“Sorry, 9.30 at his office,” Josh doesn’t sound particularly apologetic and Sam finds himself suddenly frustrated, deciding it best to end the call now.

“Ok” he practically sighs hanging up the phone. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam hesitates at the door of the Roosevelt room. Clearly the meeting in front of him is intense, he spots Toby, CJ and Josh looking particularly grave. He hears the words candidate and democrat and realises what the discussion could be. 

He opens the door, and is instantly greeted with a concerned CJ, impassive Toby and a guilty looking Josh. Larry and Ed won’t make eye contact with him, and Sam has to wonder whether he has been deliberately left out of something clearly quite big, again. His temper flares bit he bites the inside of his cheek, desperately trying not to jump to conclusions. Toby sighs, realising Sam's thoughts. He hadn't known Josh was going to ask Sam to speak to Hoynes this morning, and after a brief discussion about it to which Toby was not happy about the decision but conceded Josh's point - Sam was the best choice to discuss the education bill with the Vice President, and he wouldn't agree with the principle of leaving him off the ticket.

“What’s going on?” Sam tries to act casual, but he spots Toby’s tell – the twitch in his left eye, which means he hasn’t quite made the tone he wanted. It also confirms his suspicion he was sent to Hoynes on purpose.

“Nothing,” Josh shrugs, which in his eyes It isn’t. This is a hypothetical question after-all. “How did it go?”

Sam eyes the personnel file in front of CJ, and catches her eye. The press officer can barely look him in the eye – clearly coming to the same conclusion that Sam has – Josh planned to have Sam out of the way for this. 

“Fine, I’m going to fill Leo in…it’s done.” Sam’s tone is barely polite and even Josh seems to be eyeing him warily.

“So when were you going to tell me you want to replace Hoynes? When it was a done deal?” Sam’s jaw is so tight with tension Josh wonders whether it was painful. Toby stands up, ready to step in if needed.

“Sam…” Josh tries to placate his friend. Truthfully he needed someone to negotiate with Hoynes, and Sam was the best person from the office – he and Hoynes were cordial, more so than Toby, than CJ, and Josh already felt bad enough given their past history. Sam is always the right person for a discussion like this – firm, fair and understanding. He has a relatively long temper, which admittedly seemed to be getting shorter recently, where Josh was more likely to be abrupt. 

“No Josh, tell me when was I going to find out?” Sam’s voice is beginning to rise. Honestly he’s sick of this – the job, the way he is last on the list. He’d been stewing about things on the way over, maybe if he wasn’t doing such a demanding job he would have caught his cancer at stage one, because he would be well-rested to know that being like a zombie is not his normal. The most infuriating part is that he loves the job, or he did, he works hard and he’s good at it – he deserves better. 

“Sam, let’s talk about this somewhere else.” His friend clearly uncomfortable at having this conversation with an audience. 

“Let’s have it now.” Sam’s voice is steel and loud – so loud CJ is aware that people have stopped outside the door. Toby recognises it as the tone he heard after the drop in and winces – knowing it comes from a place of hurt. Toby hesitates to step in, but is concerned his involvement might be misinterpreted by a clearly raw Sam. 

“Look it’s not even a real thing yet,” Josh avoids the question and CJ watches wondering if Sam’s going to snap with the tension running through him. She’s aware that this isn’t just this, that Sam is trying to process a lot of things right now, all the while not feeling well, but she feels at a loss at how to help. She looks over to Toby who shares a look – clearly thinking the same.

Luckily before Sam has a chance to retort Leo enters, and Sam seems to deflate a little.

“Sam, fill me in on Hoynes will ya?” Leo asks, voice calm, no admonishment for the raised voice, as if he was catching Sam in his office. Sam’s shoulders deflate and CJ’s chest aches at just how weary their deputy communications manager looks right there, right then. Josh doesn’t seem to notice, he just looks relieved. Toby doesn’t miss the glare Leo shoots Josh. 

“Yeah,” Toby doesn’t think he’s ever heard a word sound so defeated. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Ok so you’re off from Thursday, take until Tuesday you can let me know after that.” Leo doesn’t even give Sam a chance to argue. Toby stands next to him, nodding in agreement and mentally trying to think of how to shift Sam’s work around.

“I can work from home,” Sam offers, wringing his hands. 

“Sam, let’s just see after the first round ok?” Leo reassures him. Sam nods, wondering if this is the excuse, they’ve all been waiting for to get rid of him. Sighing he rubs his eyes – Sam’s tell for when he is stressed, because that isn’t fair. 

“Sam about Hoynes,” Toby can’t let the meeting go without bringing it up. 

“It’s fine,” Sam dismisses far too quickly, now that he’s calmed down he’s embarrassed about loosing his temper, or at least starting to loose his temper in the middle of a meeting.

“No it’s not,” Toby pushes, ignoring Leo’s inquisitive gaze. “You know it wasn’t deliberate, it’s just you’re good at negotiating firmly, without ruffling feathers. You also get on the best with Hoynes.”   
Sam huffs a laugh at that.

“It’s hard to see it that way, after things lately.” Sam admits feeling emotionally raw at the moment. 

“I know,” Toby’s voice is so understanding that Sam feels a lump in his throat. He looks down at his hands for a second while tears prick his eyes. Why is he so worried about loosing his job when he could die from this? Why is he clinging onto a role he isn’t sure he’s respected in anymore? 

“Sam?” Leo asks after a moment. Sam clears his throat and looks up. Leo feels a fatherly concern as he watches the usually composed, intelligent, articulate young man look so vulnerable. 

“As long as I have a job here, so do you” Leo tells him firmly, echoing the same familiar words. 

Sam just nods, not sure if he quite believes them yet. Leo’s concern grows at Sam’s clear exhaustion and emotional vulnerability.

“Can you tell the president?” He asks after a moment, “he should know and I just don’t think I can right now.” 

“Sure,” Leo agrees, “but Sam he’s going to want to talk to you.”

“Not today.” Sam almost pleads, “Today I just want to work for a bit, tell CJ then go home.” 

“You want tomorrow off?” Toby asks, already making a mental note to ask Bonnie to cancel some of Sam’s day.

“No I’ll be off Thursday,” Sam insists, standing up despite not being dismissed.

Leo just nods and lets the younger man go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Josh finds out....


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam speaks to Josh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a big thank you for all the comments, bookmarks and comments so far. It's one of my favourite stories to write.

After Leo’s office Sam steps outside, needing some fresh air to clear his head. He let’s Toby know, and asks Ginger and Bonnie if they want coffee from a shop down the street. 

“How is he?” CJ asks stepping into Toby’s office, her voice low due to the open door.

“Calmer,” Toby replies, not looking up from his legal pad. Sensing CJ’s presence still, he huffs a sigh and puts down the pen. 

“I don’t know what Leo and him discussed, Sam just came in announced he was going out for coffee.” Toby shrugs, putting his feet up on his desk. 

CJ could almost roll her eyes in exasperation. “Toby?!” She knew that the reason why Sam was so upset was not just down to the recent news, but how he disillusioned he had felt recently. Although reluctant to speak about it, CJ and him had recently spoke a few times about the lack of trust and faith Sam feels Toby, Josh and Leo have had in him lately. CJ had been trying to reassure him, but it appeared every time things seemed to be going a little better, something else would happen – like the drop-in, or the penny meeting. She had watched first hand as he got more and more quiet - She missed excitable Sam. 

Toby sighed rubbing his face, not blind to the observations CJ had made. “I’ll talk to him.”

CJ steps in shutting the door now – aware she needs to say this. “Toby it’s just not Hoynes, or the news…this is months of him feeling out of the loop, undervalued. By you, Josh, Leo…..even me. We don’t always listen to him. We roll our eyes when he gets passionate. When did that become annoying over endearing with us?” She sighs, acutely aware of how poorly they had treated their friend.

“I’ve always found it annoying, for the record.” Toby deadpans. 

“Toby,” the hint of warning is enough.

“Ok, Yeah….” Toby sighs, not quite seeing it from CJ’s view but acknowledging that perhaps Sam had not quite been as up to date as the other staff. It really wasn’t anything personal, not even all that professional – Sam was an excellent deputy, and Toby relied, trusted him. He was just….idealistic, and when you don’t have a lot of time to do the work needed, sometimes it’s easier to avoid the hour argument, which was always very valid, and do the work that needed to be done. Still Toby had to acknowledge that it didn’t make it right.

“He’s really going to need us,” CJ sighs, the enormity of the diagnosis settling in.

“Yeah,” Toby agrees with a sigh. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“I’m waving a white flag,” Josh’s hands come around Sam’s door before his body. Usually Sam would find it funny. Truthfully though Sam is physically and mentally exhausted, he feels better having got out for some air, but the enormity of what he is facing is beginning to dawn on him. He’s angry – that someone as young as him, who takes his health as serious as him, is facing this – and maybe he’s deflecting some of that on his friend. Luckily Toby had a meeting when he returned and Sam had a few phone calls to return, and a meeting in 30 minutes in between report and speech writing. Not that Sam was particularly inspired today.

“I’m busy Josh,” Sam replied shortly, eyes back down at the report he’d been trying to read for the past 10 minutes – he was still on page 1. CJ had left a little note on his desk – “6pm dinner, no excuses” in her familiar scrawl but he hadn’t spoken to her either. 

“Sam, can we talk about this?” Josh asks, stepping into the office now and looking sincere. 

“Why? So you can apologise, or give me the reason then do the same again next week?” Sam shrugs. The fight in the first few minutes already left, because even in his disillusionment, even in fear and anger Sam ends up being fair. Despite the unknown, rockier waters he and Josh have faced between them lately it isn’t Josh’s fault he has cancer. 

Josh takes a minute to look at his best friend and sees just how tired he is, how drawn he is. He fills a mixture of foreboding, and guilt sit in his stomach that he hadn’t noticed until now. He’s also concerned because a tired Sam is never a good sign.

“Sam I’m sorry, you really were the best person to meet with Hoynes this morning.” Josh dropped into the chair. 

“Honestly, I really don’t think I believe that,” Sam states flatly, honestly, tossing the report on the desk. Sure now he is back being fair, he’s still annoyed at being left out of the loop.   
Josh sighs, but feels brave enough, to enter the office. He sinks into the chair opposite.

“You are, look you haven’t ever had a run in with him, you state facts and are firm but always polite. Honestly Sam this was not a brush off.” Josh’s tone is almost pleading, and sounds as tired as Sam feels. Sam deflates a little, still resentful over the past few months but aware of the energy needed for the struggle ahead. 

“I am sorry, for making you feel that you’re not an important part of this team though.” Josh conceded, aware when he had time to reflect after Sam had walked out of the room on some of the meetings Sam had taken recently.

Sam just nods, not sure what to say. 

“Sam Seabourn…speechless?” Josh grins, trying to break the tension, and it works as Sam huffs a laugh. He doesn’t have to think of what to say next as CJ appears in the door. Josh relaxes sense he has been forgiven, for the most part and feels the tension in his shoulders drop – he hates being at odds with Sam. 

“Toby wants you at the briefing, walk with me?” She asks Sam, and Sam’s surprised when he checks his watch that he’s missed lunch and it is indeed 1pm. He has a sneaky suspicion that CJ is rescuing him, although Toby probably did want him there, after all they are announcing the education bill now it will make the floor. 

“Joshua take-out my office at 6” CJ all but orders the deputy chief as the pair leave giving Sam’s arm a squeeze. 

“I’ll be there Claudia Jean,” Josh agrees, standing himself to get back to work. Sam sighs a little as the pair walk down. He cannot help but feel a little set up by his friend’s scheme – unsure if he’s ready to tell everyone the plan for the next few weeks – he could do with a little more time to process things.

“Honey you need to tell him, this way you can tell us all about it together.” CJ squeezes his arm again, linking with him as they walk down together. Sam leans into her a little, as if trying to absorb the strength and calmness she always emits. 

“I know,” Sam agrees but offers no more discussion as the two enter the press room. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The butterflies in Sam’s stomach begin to grow as the day continues. Sam isn’t sure if he prefers the low hum of nerves and anxiety over the extreme fatigue he has been feeling lately. It’s making him have more energy than his new normal, but he is finding it difficult to concentrate on things though, Sam’s been starting at the release for CJ’s briefing for an hour. 

“You done with that?” Toby asks from the doorway. 

“Uh no.” Sam replies honestly. 

“You ate lunch?” Toby asks.

“No,” Sam throws his pen down.

“C’mon lets go get some lunch, we can work on that after.” Toby cajoles him.

“I’m sorry Toby, I haven’t exactly been productive this week,” Sam apologizes rubbing his eyes wearily. 

Toby felt an all-familiar pang of fondness at his deputy, a feeling he tries in vain to supress often. He clearly can’t fight back the soft smile that comes up because Sam looks quizzically at him. 

“Sam,” Toby waits to let Sam look at him, “You have just had life changing news, I think we can let this week work slide. I don’t care about work right now, I care about you. I care that the next few months are going to be challenging for you, I couldn’t care less about work ok?” 

Sam just nods, a lump in his throat at the reassuring words. Instead he forces out a strained joke

“I didn’t just hear you say that.” 

Toby rolls his eyes, but becomes serious again as he tries to reassures him, needing Sam to believe it – he needs Sam to fight. “Sam, we’re going to get through this.” 

Sam smiles at the words – it’s small but genuine. “Thanks Toby.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you still have to tell Josh…..” Toby warns him,” C’mon I want pie.”

Sam sighs but stands up, feeling instantly just a little better. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“And how are well all this fine evening?” CJ asks as she steps into her office with bags of take-out.

“Hungry,” Toby states flatly, getting up to take one of the bags off her.

“What he said.” Josh replies, taking the other bag off her. 

“Where’s Sam?” CJ asks noticing the missing member. 

“Getting us drinks from Mess,” Toby answers, secretly he thinks it’s a ploy to avoid this for as long as possible. The eyebrow raise from CJ suggests she thinks the same but neither share their thoughts.  
Eventually Sam returns, looking almost sheepish as he smiles walking into the room. The four sit and eat for a while. Despite the nerves he feels Sam manages to eat the most he has for a while, relaxing in the company of his three friends. Eventually though the conversation starts to waver a little, and Sam feels is a purposeful tactic on CJ and Toby’s part.

Sam clears his throat as he places his drink down.  
“Hey so I had some news this week.” He begins, CJ fights the urge to give his shoulder a squeeze in support. Josh watches how serious his best friends face becomes and puts down the drink in his hand. Stomach churning nervously.

“What was it?” Toby asks calmly, face impassive. Sam takes a breath and feels better as he looks into the calm eyes of his boss, his friend. 

“I…Uh…So I haven’t been feeling so well recently. Well I have cancer, stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma.” Sam can’t even look at Josh as he says it, instead focusing at his hands.

Josh feels his stomach lurch – and the food he’s just eaten threaten to resurface. 

“When?” Josh blurts out.

“This morning,” Sam replies, trying to gage how his friend is taking the news. Sure things have been strained between the pair but the other reason Sam didn’t speak to Josh about this is he is painfully aware of Josh’s dad’s fight with the disease. 

“Sam….” Josh exhales, clearly speechless. 

“What’s next?” CJ asks, realising Sam had never disclosed the treatment options discussed this morning.

“I start Chemo on Friday. The doctor thinks I have a good shot of beating it. He wants 8 15 day cycles, I’m going in for treatment on day 2 and 10. Then we’ll see.” Sam explains patiently, focusing on the press secretary. CJ nods.

“You going alone?” She asks, desperate to go with him.

“Yeah, Leo knows – he et something up at GW, I’ll work the weekend from home” Sam replies, rubbing his eyes again – it’s Sam’s tell whenever he is stressed or tired. 

Josh is still processing – Sam? Cancer? He is the fittest person he knows. Josh feels instantly guilty, because he’s noticed Sam dragging his feet in recent months but he put it down to the MS scandal, and he wondered whether they were loosing Sam a bit – his commitment to the cause, his passion, spark. He feels sick at the thought that actually his friend was just exhausted and unwell. He half listens to the explanation, but his attention spikes at the words Leo, and then he realises how calm Toby is, and CJ.

“Wait. Everyone knows?” Josh can’t help but ask. On reflection he is aware it comes across as perhaps self-centred.

“Well Leo does, and you guys,” Sam replies, but he hesitates – clearly realising what Josh has just worked out. 

“Yeah but I found out last.” Josh replies, “Sam I could have gone with you this morning, we could’ve worked out a plan….”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you!” Sam exclaims, the all-familiar anger coming quickly again. “Josh I appreciate the support but I don’t need my hand holding, I don’t need you to make plans.” Part of him wants to point out the hypocrisy in Josh’s argument, but he chokes the words back , knowing they will help no-one. 

“It’s cancer Sam!” Josh exclaims voice getting louder. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this sooner!” 

“Ok enough.” CJ steps in, watching Josh become more animated and Sam’s jaw tighten. She was aware that the discussion was becoming heated, and loud – and although she was aware no-one was working nearby (because she had sent them all home early, as had Toby with the communications bullpen), she still didn’t know who was about exactly.

Josh instantly deflated, as did Sam who rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“You know I think I’m just going to head home” Josh shook his head, feeling both betrayed and a little guilty at shouting at his best friend, who just had been diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. God he was an asshole.

“Josh,” Sam’s head is pounding but he wants to get this sorted today, tonight. He feels emotionally and physically beat. 

Josh just ignores him, standing up and walking out of CJ’s office. CJ and Toby share a look – instantly deciding that CJ will go after Josh, and Toby will stay with Sam. 

“Well that went well.” Sam states flatly, focusing on the Chinese carton and pointedly not looking at the older man.

“I’m not sure revealing that diagnosis was ever going to go well.” Toby replies. 

Sam just sighs, “Yeah.” 

The pair sit in silence – not uncomfortable, Sam lets his eyes close for a second. Today felt long – and he’s used to long days. 

“He’ll come round Sam, it’s just a shock.” Toby tries to calm him. 

“I know,” Sam sighs, “I just…I should have told him when I told you both. I just….he lost his dad Toby. To cancer….I just….this is hard, to tell you this, to watch you worry already.” Sam explains. 

“So it wasn’t just you making a point.” Toby raises his eyebrow, unable to stop himself asking.

“No,” Sam protests opening his eyes to Toby’s disbelieving look. 

“I dunno maybe a little….Subconsciously” Sam admits. 

“I knew you were human after all” Toby jokes. “C’mon let’s go home.” 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Josh! Josh!” CJ races after the deputy chief of staff as he leaves the Whitehouse. 

“Leave me alone CJ” Josh doesn’t slow down but CJ catches up with him anyway. 

“Damn you and your freakishly long legs.” Josh mumbles. 

“Josh, just come back inside. We can talk about this.” CJ stands in front of Josh. 

“I can’t CJ, I need time to process this.” Josh replies. He bites back the retort that he hasn’t had as much time as the other two senior staff. 

“Ok, but Josh….he didn’t choose to tell me first, I was just in the right place at the right time.” CJ tries to reassure him. It should make Josh feel better – but truthfully it doesn’t. It just reminds him that he hasn’t really been around much lately – with the stress of work, his new relationship with Amy….he guess he just let them drift apart. Then he just walked out when he should have been supportive. He just, he can’t lose another person to this disease. 

As if reading his thoughts CJ squeezes his arm, “Go get your time, he’s going to need you.” 

Josh just nods, lump in his throat and trying hard to blink back the tears. 

“I can come with?” CJ offers, concerned at how hard Josh is taking this.

This seems to startle Josh back into action, “I’m ok CJ, but thanks.” 

CJ squeezes his arm again and lets him go.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josh didn’t sleep well, he spent most of the night awake thinking – he hadn’t done that since the president revealed his MS diagnosis. He hadn’t called Amy, nor answered her calls – he’s being an ass but he is trying to process everything. Truthfully now some of the shock has worn off he feels ashamed at how he reacted last night – selfishly thinking about himself instead of staying there to be there for Sam and hear him out. 

Sam didn’t fare much better between thinking about his first treatment, the diagnosis, telling everyone….does he need to tell anyone else? Then there’s Josh….things have been strained for a while, but Sam hadn’t quite realised how badly until, well this. Well maybe he did he just didn’t want to face it. 

“You look like hell Sam.” Sam grimaces at Toby’s words as he enters the bullpen. 

“Yeah,” Sam replies, rolling his eyes as he walks to his office. 

“Not sure Josh looks any better.” Toby adds following his deputy into the office.

“He’s in already?” Sam checks his watch, usually he would beat him in. 

“You’re off your game, ” Toby shrugs instead, trying to lighten the mood. 

“I must be.” Sam sighs, “What times staff?” 

“20…I have a draft for you to read” Toby admits that he is trying to keep his friend distracted. 

Sam’s face suggests that he know exactly what Toby is doing but he nods anyways.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

If Leo notices the tension between the two senior staff members he doesn’t mention it. Instead the 5 have a cordial if not subdued meeting. Sam tries very hard to pay attention but he just feels drained.  
“Sam, the president want’s a word.” Leo advises as the 5 stand up to go about their ways. Sam hesitates for a moment as he straightens up. He nods, clearing his throat softly. For the first time Josh and Sam catch each other’s eyes. Josh nods gently at Sam, trying to be encouraging even if he is still a bit pissed off about being the last to know. 

CJ squeezes his arm as they all leave, Sam heading to the Oval with butterflies in his stomach. 

“I’ll see you back in your office,” Toby says, and Sam knows it’s him trying to show some support subtly. 

It’s ridiculous really Sam thinks as he heads to the Oval office. Why is he nervous? He’s not sure if its just that now more people know, it’s real. In 2 days he’s going to start treatment, in 2 days he really is officially a cancer patient. The thought makes his chest feel tight. He nods to one of the aides as he waits outside the oval, tapping his fingers against his thigh anxiously. Truth be told, he isn’t sure what to expect – he hopes it isn’t pity, he cannot bear the thought of pity. 

“Sam?” Charlie’s voice interrupts his thoughts. Sam startles slightly but offers a smile.

“Hey Charlie, he wants to see me?” Sam phrases it as a question even though Leo is never wrong.

“Yeah he’s ready for you,” Charlie nods. 

Sam takes a deep breath and enters the office he has sat and stood in so many times, today feeling out of place.

“Sam Morning! Take a seat.” Jed greets warmly, gesturing to a seat.

“Do you want coffee?” The president asks. 

“I’m ok thanks Sir,” Sam replies with a tight smile as he sits down. He doesn’t want to be rude, but he really wants this to be a short as possible. As much as he enjoys the company of the man, this is not a conversation of general trivia, or a gentle debate – hell even a more heated debate, it’s about Sam. It’s about his diagnosis, a diagnosis Sam really isn’t sure he wants to face. 

Jed waits a second, eyeing his deputy communications director. He looks pale, drained underneath his smile and perfect pressed image. It’s subtle but present if you look hard enough. When Leo had told him yesterday of the news, he felt a sick lurch – as if it was one of his daughters who received the diagnosis. Abby was out of the country, but he had rung her as soon as he found out. He would be grateful when she was back, so she could help explain it all to him.

“Sam Leo told me about your news, Sam I am so sorry.” The president starts, “I want you to know that if Abby and can help in anyway please let us know.” 

Despite the topic of the conversation the sincerity in the words make Sam smile. He really is lucky to have such great people around him. 

“Thank you sir,” Sam replies just as sincerely.

“I also wanted to tell you personally that your job is safe Sam, we can work around your treatment and if you want or need to take the time off then please don’t hesitate to ask.” Jed continues.

Sam feels a jolt in his stomach at the thought truthfully he hadn’t really thought too much about taking time off work due to his illness. He just presumed he could be able to work. It’s nice the sentiment, but Sam is aware how fast things go in the West wing, and they are all only a few months away from the election. Will he be able to travel with the team? Will he be able to make any meaningful contribution to the administration for re-election.

“Thank you Sir, but I don’t want to the grit in the wheels here. If I can’t do my job….I don’t want to let you down. I’ve barely done any work this week.” Sam replies. 

“Sam, you have never once let me down. Nor do you never not do any work,” Jed tells the younger man, “I trust you, you are the conscience of this team, you write some of the most beautiful thoughts, words that I have ever been able to speak out loud. I am not losing you. We can work around this.” He continues firmly. 

Sam feels a lump in his throat at the words, he clears his throat again. “Thank you sir, this…it means a lot.” 

Jed smiles, confident he had gotten through to the younger man. “Go, Toby must have plenty of work for you.” 

Sam laughs, for the first time in a week it feels genuine, light. “Thank you Mr President” and leaves the Oval feeling lighter then he has in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly this is my least favourite chapter I've written so far...it feels a bit like a filler.....hopefully you guys all liked it anyways.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has his first treatment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand another chapter updated quickly I blame my season 4 obsession at the moment.....This one Sam faces up to his biggest challenge yet.
> 
> Also in my head Josh's old nickname for Sam is Sammy.....that is probably going to stick
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Not mine.

Sam spent the rest of the day if he’s being honest hiding in his office. The door was closed, under the guise that he was redrafting a very important amendment. He’s disturbed by a gentle knock at the door.   
“Come in,” Sam doesn’t look up from the paper he’s writing notes on. 

Josh hesitates as he steps in, not sure what to expect from his best friend. 

“Sam? You got a moment?” Josh asks. 

Sam puts his pen down and nods, not really sure what to say. 

“I…uh….I wanted to apologise for yesterday, I should’ve stayed….we should’ve talked.” Josh apologises. 

“It’s ok Josh, it’s a shock for all of us.” Sam accepts the apology with a small, sincere smile. “I didn’t mean for you to be the last to know, I just…I blurted it out in front of Toby after the doctor rang, and CJ asked when I just spoke to the doctor.” Sam explains. “And…I was…I was worried about telling you, after everything you went through with your dad.” 

Josh felt a warmth fill him at Sam’s thoughtfulness. He felt a little better now the pair had apologised to each other, a flicker of hope that the two can work through this. It doesn’t magically solve all the problems, all the strained actions between the two, but it’s a start at least.

“Sam, I appreciate it…but this is different, you’re younger, it’s different. I want to help you. We all do….Tomorrow, I can drive you over and pick you up, I had Donna rearrange my morning.” Josh stated ignoring the pang of sadness as he thought about his farther, about what was awaiting Sam. 

Sam smiles softly at not just his friend’s words but his actions. He’s secretly grateful he has someone who is going to help him out tomorrow, remembering how awful he felt after the biopsy. This feels like a start to get their friendship back on track, as much as he loathes the idea of anyone seeing him so unwell. 

“Thanks Josh.”   
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Sam snuck into his office at 7am, enjoying the quiet. No-one was in the bullpen yet, it was the time of day Sam marvelled at – the only time where the west wing was ever peaceful. It was his first official day of treatment today, and truthfully Sam was nervous. Leo and the president wanted him to take the morning off but Sam was adamant he wanted to come in. He just wanted to be normal, it would probably be the last time he would be for a little while. He feels guilty when he spots the missed call from his mother. He can’t bear telling her yet, not with everything so raw from his father’s betrayal. There’s a traitorous voice in the back of his mind that reminds him he’s also kind of betraying her by keeping it a secret. Still her fussing, and his dad’s attempts to reach out from the tentative truce they’ve forged just overwhelms Sam thinking about it.

“Morning Sam,” Ginger smiled from the bullpen as she put the coffee machine on. 

“Morning Ginger,” he felt a little guilty that no-one else knows about things yet, he just didn’t feel ready.

“Coffee?” She asked.

“Please” Sam could only have a cup or two before his treatment – his doctor had advised him to keep hydrated. 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“You sure you’ll be ok by yourself?” Toby asks and Sam can’t help but smile at the question. So far CJ and Josh have stopped by twice, Leo has rang through. Even the first lady, who sends the president’s best wishes also stopped by to the bemusement of the bullpen – and making him promise that he will rest.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll redraft the Ohio speech when I’m there.” Sam promises shrugging on his jacket. 

“Sam you should just…you know read, sleep… I can do that” Toby reassures him, not sure if Sam attempting to write whilst hooked up to literal poison is the best idea. 

“I’ll at least try it,” Sam insisted. “I need something to do Toby,” he admitted looking at his shoes. 

“Ok but let me know if you haven’t been able to get it done” Toby insists. Sam nods with a smile, the anxiety he feels about the pending treatment starting to show in the way he’s fiddling with his sleeves and checking the doorway for Josh – his lift there and back. 

“Ready to go” Josh’s voice is casual, but his posture and pinched expression gives it away. Sam spots Donna eyeing the three from her desk, and realises he won’t be able to keep things quiet for long. Idly he wonders whether he should tell Donna, it would help Josh out to have someone to talk to – he makes a mental note to mention it to him later. 

Sam nods, and Toby claps him on the back as he heads towards the door. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The chemo treatment was long – Sam was able to redraft the speech before the headache behind his eyes became too much and he had to give in. He was given a private room, all too aware it was because of his job, and reputation Leo had probably pulled some strings. 

The staff were lovely, explaining what they were going to do before they did it. The IV port stings a little but he manages ok until about half way through the session. He begins to feel cold, and tired – head aching. He pushes his buzzer. 

“What you need hun?” A brunette older nurse smiles as she walks in. 

“Sorry I’m just a bit cold,” Sam hates to be a nuisance, and makes a note in future to bring another sweatshirt with the comfier clothes he’s brought for treatment.

“No need to apologise, let’s see if I can help with that,” She dashes out to the room and quickly returns with two hospital blankets. 

“How are you doing, first go isn’t it? Next time try some thicker socks, sometimes helps” She sits down on a chair next to his after she tucks the blankets around him. Despite himself, Sam finds himself accepting and enjoying the comfort. 

Sam nods, “I’m ok, headache mainly.” Sam admits. 

“I can get you some Tylenol, any sickness?” She asks, holding his hand loosely and Sam is grateful for the warmth. 

“Not really,” Sam replies – he’s a little queasy but his headache and tiredness seems to override this. 

“Lonely sitting here on your own” She observes, and Sam sighs a little at that – truthfully he feels a bit overwhelmed, and although he wasn’t sure he wanted any company, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone either. 

“Yeah, but with my job….” Sam trials off tiredly rubbing his eyes. 

“I know, let me get something for that headache, maybe you could try and sleep.” She suggests eyeing his IV, “You have another 90 mins or so.” With a warm smile the nurse gives his hand a squeeze and stands up. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josh finishes up at work early to give him a lift home and surprisingly Sam does manage to sleep for the remainder of the treatment. The pair managed to make it home with no major dramas but Sam sighed as he eyed the steps up to his apartment. The medication was keeping his stomach relatively settled for now, but his limbs felt heavy and, despite doing nothing but sitting all afternoon he was exhausted. Even with the medication his head was pounding and right now those steps looked like Everest. 

“Come on, sooner we get out, sooner you can go to bed.” Josh cajoles him. Sam closes his eyes for a second and tries to gather the energy. Slowly he pulls himself out the car, taking a deep breath as the world tilts around him slightly. Josh stays close but resists the urge to put an arm around the younger man to steady him as he realises his Sam is bracing himself against the car. Slowly Sam peels himself away from the car and walks up to the house, staying close to Josh.

By the time Sam enters the apartment he is aware that the he is going to struggle to walk to his bedroom. His legs trembling. Josh senses he is faltering and wraps a steadying arm around his waist. 

“C’mon Sammy, Lets get you to bed.” 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam wakes up with an intense wave of nausea, groaning softly he pushes himself out of bed and stumbles into his bathroom without even thinking about it. Stomach heaving he only just manages to get into the bathroom in time before he begins to vomit. 

Josh is busy on a call to Toby when he hears the bathroom door open and loud retching. Closing his eyes briefly he takes a deep breath. Due to the campaign he never saw his farther after his sessions but he remembers his mom telling him about it after. 

“Toby I’m going to have to call you back,” Josh doesn’t even try to give more of an explanation and hangs up rushing into the bathroom.

XXXXXXXXXXX

“Breathe Sammy” CJ can hear Josh’s voice coax as she lets herself in, bags of groceries in her hands. In any other circumstances she would smile at the nickname – it’s a rare one she hasn’t heard for a long time from Josh. She grimaces as she hears violent retching and sets about putting her bags away, giving the pair a few minutes. She grabs a glass and fills it with water and heads into the bathroom. Toby was stuck at the Whitehouse, and CJ needed to head back there but one of them thought they should drop in and check in on their friends. Toby had mentioned the hurried phone call with Josh and was clearly worried about the two. 

Her heart sinks as she pushes open the door and sees Sam – trembling and hunched over the toilet, head buried in his arms as he vomits. Josh sits behind him, rubbing his back soothingly. After several minutes Sam is quiet but doesn’t move from his position. Josh continues to rub soothing circles, but finally senses CJ’s presence. He gives her a tight smile and a quiet nod of thanks as she hands over the water. 

Truthfully Josh wanted to get a glass before but he was worried about leaving Sam alone when he was so sick. He checks his watch – Sam’s been vomiting on and off for almost an hour, the nausea relentless. CJ is struck by how exhausted Josh looks, the lines of stress lining his forehead, she squeezes his hand gently and Josh closes his eyes drawing some of her strength. 

“Sam, can you drink some water?” Josh asks quietly, squeezes his shoulder. Sam doesn’t reply but lifts his head up, and sits back on his heels, accepting the water Josh passes him. Hands shaking he takes a small sip, no more then to get his mouth wet, before passing the glass over. Josh sighs but doesn’t push it yet instead putting it down beside him. 

Sam finally seems to feel CJ’s presence and shoots a very tired smile, “Hey CJ,” he croaks, a little embarrassed that she’s seen him be so unwell. Josh is, well it’s different with Josh the pair have known each other forever. 

Sensing his embarrassment, and trying to let it show it doesn’t faze her CJ slips her heels off, and joints the pair on the floor, gently shuffling Sam to sit next to her. 

“Rough day Spanky?” She asks playing with his hair, and Sam huffs an exhausted laugh, resting his head on his shoulder. CJ’s frowns at Josh as she realises how much the younger man is trembling – he is clearly exhausted. She wraps an arm around his shoulder, tucking him in to her side, and Sam leans into her, trying to leech her warmth.

“I’ve had better,” he admits, swallowing thickly. 

“Can you take anything?” CJ asks concerned at just how white he is – Sam’s pallor currently matches his white tiled floor. 

“I have,” Sam sighs gently extracting himself form her and rocking himself forwards as the nausea begins to increase again. He sighs as he sits back in front of the toilet, bile in his throat.

“The doctor said it can take a few sessions to get the balance right,” Josh explains, rubbing his back again. CJ nods and decides to give Sam peace to throw up without further audience and leaves the pair to it. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It takes another 40 minutes but Sam feels well enough to at least head to bed. Josh takes most of his weight as the shorter man stumbles into the bedroom. The brunette manages to coax half a glass of water into his friend, aware that it isn’t enough to stop him becoming dehydrated but Josh figures it’s a start. Josh sighs and rubs his face as he walks out into the living room, where CJ has already ordered Chinese and poured him some coffee.

“You’re too good to me Claudia Jean,” he sighs as he settles onto the sofa. He is exhausted both mentally and physically. 

“You deserved it today,” CJ comes over to join him. Sitting so close their thighs touch and grabs his hand, sensing that the deputy chief of staff needs some comfort. 

“It’s harder for Sam,” Josh points out, staring at his thigh. 

“I’m not sure it is, Sam told me before….that in a way he’s glad he doesn’t have to watch one of us go through this. He’s worried about us, about you” she squeezes his hands. At those words Josh can’t help but notice the growing lump in his throat. Today was rough, it was hard to watch the ever-energetic Sam succumb to exhaustion and illness. Since the first time Sam told him Josh feels the true weight of the battle ahead. Josh hadn’t realised how far in denial he had been about his friend’s diagnosis until today. It’s like he’s hearing the news properly for the first time.

“I don’t think I have ever seen Sam that tired or sick,” Josh admits, voice tight. This is Sam Seaborn – star all -nighter, who can spend days catching cat naps on the campaign bus and still look like a model. 

“I know,” CJ pulls Josh into a side hug, not sure what else to say or do. 

“I can’t….he has to beat this.” Josh mumbles. CJ doesn’t need to look at him to know he’s crying. 

“He will,” CJ reassures him, “you think Sam – who goes toe to toe with Toby, you, Leo and the president on an almost daily basis will give up?”

Josh chuckles softly at this and she can feel him nod into her shoulder.

“We’ll see him through it you watch.” CJ promises squeezing him a little tighter, needing the comfort herself. “C’mon lets eat.” She cajoles him into taking a carton. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“How is he?” Toby greets a very tired Josh the next day as they wait in the Oval office for senior staff. 

Josh rolls his eyes at the question, “Well I’m fine Toby how are you?” He replies sarcastically, not even flinching when Toby glares at him, eyebrow raised. 

“Rough night but he was sleeping when I left,” Josh sighs rubbing his eyes. After CJ left Sam had managed a few hours of sleep but woke up nauseous and restless. Thankfully there had been no more vomiting, but Sam couldn’t sleep being so uncomfortable and despite his instance that Josh should sleep he had stayed up. The pair had watched football reruns until the early hours, whilst Josh tried to coax water and the odd Saltine into a very reluctant Sam. 

“Josh how is he?” Leo asks immediately as he enters the Oval, the president two steps behind. 

“Tired, bit of a rough day but he’s sleeping. I’ll call him at lunch.” Josh sighs tiredly.

“What do you have on today?” Leo asks, concerned at how tired his deputy looks. 

“Meetings on the hill til 12.” Josh replies, sensing his senior’s apprehension he lifts his head to meet his face, “I’m ok we’ve had worse all -nighters.” 

“No staying late tonight,” Leo warns sternly. 

“No ringing Sam until the afternoon either.” He adds with a look at Toby, and the president who feign innocent expressions. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Where’s Sam?” Donna asks Josh as he steps into the bullpen, Ginger and Bonnie hovering nearby also. 

“He’s out sick,” Josh doesn’t quite lie but he hates withholding the truth from his assistant, but aware that Sam wasn’t quite ready for people to know yet. Sam had agreed not to lie outright to those they work with. All 3 women look instantly worried.

“He ok?” Donna asks immediately concerned.

“Does he need anything?” Bonnie asks almost simultaneously. 

Josh smiles, the response from the three women just confirms what he long has suspected – Sam Seabourn is the favourite among the assistants. 

“He’s ok, he’s probably going to be at home the next few days, I’m going to drop in a few bits of work for him tonight.” Josh reassures the three. “I’ll pass on the well wishes.”

It seems enough to satisfy the three for now. They all nod and get back to work. Josh sighs and rolls his shoulders walking back to his office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam does feel a little better when he wakes up. He makes himself change into sweatpants and jumper and sit on the sofa for a little while. He’s still queasy, but forces himself to sip slowly at a glass of water. He briefly debates trying tea to try and warm him up but the thought makes his stomach churn. He sighs as he settles back into the sofa, already tempted to close his eyes. He’s exhausted and the headache which stated during his treatment has yet to reside. Suddenly there is a key in the lock and the door opens CJ carrying a bag of supplies. 

“Hey Samshine” She smiles, happy to see him upright and clearly feeling a little better than last night – although still very pale, his eyes hooded. 

“Hey CJ,” Sam’s smile is genuine if not tired.

“I can’t stay long, but Josh said last night was a bit rough and I brought a couple of things for you.” CJ shrugs off her coat and sits on the sofa next to him. Sam just nods, that explains the key – Josh has a spare, he wonders idly if he should give one to CJ and Toby too. 

“How you feeling?” She asks holding his hand as they sit.

“Better then yesterday,” Sam replies and CJ just shoots him a look.

Immediately chastised, Sam replies with the truth “Achy, Nauseous, Tired.” The younger man lets his eyes drift shut for a moment. 

“I’m cold too.” He admits after a beat. 

CJ heart breaks a little thinking about how unwell he must feel. “Well lucky for you…..I brought a few things for that,” with a grin she pulls out a thick comforter. 

“This should warm you up” She grins, settling it around him. She had realised last night Sam doesn’t have a blanket on his couch and had read about the side effects of his chemotherapy.   
“I even have another one for the hospital,” She adds before pulling out a box of tea. 

“Ginger is supposed to be good for nausea so I thought you could try some tea, and I brought some hard candy for you too.” She adds. 

“The best part though….two new books to keep you entertained when you’re laid up.” She pulls out two paperbacks, both Sam’s favourite fiction authors and sets them on the table.   
Sam looks at her in both awe, and gratitude. Truthfully he is touched by her thoughtfulness he has a lump in his throat.

“Thank you,” the words are so sincere, it warms CJ’s heart  
.   
“Course Samshine, couldn’t not look after you could we?” She pulls him into a hug and Sam sinks into the comfort and warmth it brings. 

“Have you tried to eat anything today?” CJ asks after a while, playing with his hair.

Sam mumbles a no.

“We can’t have that, lets try something…just a little soup maybe?” CJ coaxes a little. Sam closes his eyes wearily and doesn’t respond. 

“Sam you’re body is running on empty,” CJ pushes, “Just a little? And some more water? Or juice?” 

“If I say yes can you let me sleep after?” He mumbles back, head still against her shoulder, enjoying the little bit of warmth she gives off. 

“Look at you, always the negotiator” CJ laughs, “Yes.” 

Sam agrees wearily, groaning as she makes him move to her let her heat up some of the soup Josh had bought. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“He seemed I don’t know better than expected,” CJ shrugs as she tries to reassure the other two men in the office. 

“I mean considering what he’s been through in the last 24 hours he managed to eat a little, hold a conversation,” CJ continues tactfully not bringing up how washed out their friend was or that he could only manage half a bowl of soup before looking green again. 

“Thanks for checking in,” Josh sighed, feet up on the empty guest chair in his office as he finished his lunch. He was feeling a bit more human then first thing this morning.

“Sure,” CJ nods. Toby’s mouth opened but quickly snaps shut as Donna walks in. 

The blonde assistant raises her eyebrows at the sudden silence, but as thinks better to question it. She reminds Josh he has a meeting in 15 minutes, and tactfully leaves the room. Truthfully, she is a little nervous, the last time the three looked this tense they were trying to cope with the president’s revelation of MS. She can’t help but wonder whether there is something going on with the missing deputy communications director.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it let me know


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam heads back to work....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all of your support on this. Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait

Josh sighs tiredly, walking into Sam’s apartment, groceries in hand. He frowns at the empty sofa and wonders whether Sam’s back in bed. He hopes he is, but the hope fades as he spots the bathroom light under the door. 

He knocks before entering the one room Josh feels he has spent far too much time in the past 24 hours. 

“Sam? You ok?” It’s a stupid question really. Sam looks as pale as he did yesterday, dark circles under his eyes. Clearly things had taken a backward step after CJ’s visit – his friend looked as bad as he did yesterday. 

“Yeah,” Sam replies, leaning against the bath, knees bent up. Josh can see how fatigued he is, leaning his head against the edge of the bath. “Can you turn the light off?” 

Josh nods, flicking off the light but keeping the door open so the soft light can flood in a little. 

“Headache still bad?” He asks, pulling his tie off and joining his friend on the floor. 

“Yeah,” Sam sighs softly, rubbing his left eye. Truthfully it hadn’t eased since yesterday, and he knows some of it is likely dehydration too. Another wave of nausea rolls over him, and his hand subconsciously goes to his mouth. 

“Sick again?” Josh asks, already knowing the answer.

Sam exhales as it passes and nods wearily. “It comes in waves, I was ok for a while but,” he doesn’t finish the sentence. 

“Toby wanted to know how you were, I think he was thinking of coming over if you were up to it. Rain check?” Josh asked, noticing how Sam was now shivering again despite the thick jumper he has on and thick socks. 

“Yeah I don’t think I’m going to be much company tonight…Shouldn’t you be with Amy?” Sam asks, swallowing thickly as nausea comes over him again. He rests his forehead on his knees, willing it to pass and that he can keep the water he’s sipped down.

“When did you last take your meds?” Josh asks instead, concerned at how pale and sick Sam clearly feels. He is also deliberately avoiding talking about Amy, it’s just an added complication he doesn’t need at the moment. 

“I don’t know, maybe with CJ? I’ve lost track of time a bit…” Sam admits sheepishly looking at the tile floor. 

“Ok well lets get you some meds first,” Josh realising that CJ had stopped by 6 hours ago or so. 

“You should go home Josh” Sam states softly, clearly not letting the topic of Josh spending time here drop. Sam cannot help but be concerned at how tired his friend must be. Truthfully he was very grateful for his friends help and support, he feels guilty at the burden he is being. They all work long hours, and the very little time they have outside of work shouldn’t be spent looking after him. 

“Not until I make sure you’re ok Sam. Truth is I’d be thinking of you anyways so being here is doing me a favour ok?” Josh reassures him.

“Amy wouldn’t be too happy with that,” Sam jokes, head still on his knees but his stomach is beginning to settle. Josh doesn’t say anything, not sure what he and Amy are, or truthfully how long it is going to last, instead squeezing Sam’s shoulder and leaving to get his medication. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam defies staying at home until Tuesday and heads in on Monday. He rings Leo and Toby and assures them both that he can make it in Monday, that it might do him good for some normality as the process is going to repeat in 10 days’ time. As much as he hates to admit it but Sam is tired as soon as he steps into the White House. He had spent all weekend pretty much in bed, or on the sofa. Josh, Toby and CJ had been great – dropping in on the way to work, cajoling him into eating a little. Toby had spent Saturday afternoon after work watching baseball with him. Physically he feels better, the nausea and headache has gone but he still does not feel 100%, nor hungry. The fatigue is something else though – and Sam is all too aware that the likelihood of him doing a full Whitehouse day is low. Still Sam is optimistic – he feels less anxious by just being able to have something to focus on, he’s surrounded by people he likes. Today is going to be a good day. 

He knows he doesn’t look great – even a neatly pressed, expensive suit and his hair as perfect as always cannot quite conceal 3 days of vomiting and the aftermath of Chemotherapy, but he hopes a cheerful smile and conversation might hide the worst of how he’s feeling. 

“Morning Sam, you feeling better?” Bonnie asks as she rifles through her paperwork, her smile drops a little into concern as she takes in how pale he still is. 

“Yeah thanks Bonnie,” Sam smiles, and despite the tiredness in it Bonnie appears satisfied. 

“Coffee?” She asks, standing up ready to pour it. 

Sam’s stomach lurches at just the thought of it, he fights the grimace, and manages just to keep his voice neutral. “I’m just going to stick with tea for now, thanks.” He smiles again hating the concerned frown on Bonnie’s face. He heads into his office, and pulls out the new additions to his work bag – CJ’s ginger tea and sweets just in-case and puts them in his bottom draw. He drops into his chair and pulls forward the messages on his desk – mentally making a list for today.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Morning,” Toby knocks on the door to his office as Sam takes a sip of tea that Ginger had brought in. Sam was grateful for the small gesture, and the clear concern of the aides he worked so closely with.

“Morning Toby” Sam smiles, a pale imitation of his usual, but Toby has to commend him for the effort. “What time’s staff?” He asks to purely avoid the next question out of his boss’s mouth. He’s already sick of being asked if he is ok. 

“We’ve got 10,” Toby checks his watch - getting the hint. 

“Ok,” Sam closes his eyes briefly mentally making a list of the calls he needs to return. “What’s on for today?” He asks taking another small sip of tea. He’d managed a banana for breakfast but he couldn’t stomach the thought of anything else at the moment.

“Staff, I need you to take a look at the last amendment of the labour bill, we have to start work on the speech for Ohio, can you meet with Ainsely about the amendment to the bill?, Then we’re meeting the eco warriors at 4.” Toby rattled out, the enthusiasm for the last meeting clear in his flat tone. 

Sam smirks a little at the tone, “I wouldn’t use that tone with the warriors…and yeah I can drop in on Ainsley.” 

“I was hoping to speak as little as possible,” Toby admitted, usually Sam would take point in these meetings, his obvious enthusiasm for the environment meant the group clearly preferred his deputy. Looking at how tired Sam already looks, and the lethargy that plagued clearly at the weekend, Toby could not help but doubt Sam’s ability to lead the meeting at 4pm.

“I might let you off the hook.” Sam smiled, aware that the admission was a subtle question if Sam felt up to leading it.

Toby nodded, deciding to trust their youngest team member.

“You ready to roll?” Toby asks, aware that Leo would probably want to check in with the pair before staff.

“Leo’s office?” Sam stands with an energy he doesn’t really feel, guessing the ploy.

Toby smiles slightly at the reply, aware Sam had worked it out and nods. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Sam, Toby morning – take a seat” Leo greets the pair as Margaret lets them into his office. 

“You doing ok Sam?” Leo asks, giving the speech-writer the once over, not liking how pale he looks. He’d spoken to Josh, who had assured him Sam was ready to be back to work but looking at the youngest today Leo wasn’t sure. 

“Yeah thanks Leo,” Sam smiles at the concern, and fatherly tone to his boss’s voice. 

“Heard you had one hell of a weekend,” Leo pushes a little. “When’s the next one?”

“You could say that,” Sam agrees, “Erm…next Monday, but we have the bill to organise for Wednesday don’t we?” Sam nervously glances at Toby hating the idea he might not be involved as much as he wanted.

“Don’t worry about it, we can work something out.” Toby reassures him, “We could link you in at home if we need to, and Ainsley can to do some of the work on it.”

Leo nods in agreement, starting to realise just how much they’ll need to organise. 

“Can you get me a schedule of your treatments?” Leo asks – he probably should have a list. “Sam, we can work around things, you’re job is to come work here and focus on getting well. That’s it. Let me and Toby worry about the load ok?” 

“The president wanted to welcome you back, but he’s on the phone right now, be ready for that.” Leo smirks at him and Sam just laughs softly. 

Sam just nods, still anxious about the extra stress on the team but swallows it down instead. He is saved from doing anything further as CJ and Josh join them. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After staff Sam and Toby make a solid start for the speech in Ohio, aware that if they can flip the state then it gives the president a huge advantage.

After an hour or so Sam checks his watch, “I better go I need to go down and see Ainsley.” 

“You need to eat lunch first,” Toby advises and Sam grimaces at the thought of it. 

“I’m sure Ainsley will feed be,” he replies, trying to get out of it. He’s not nauseous for the first time in 3 days, and he doesn’t want to jinx it. As if on cue Josh knocks on the door to the office with sandwiches for them all. 

“Lunchtime?” Josh asks somewhat hopefully. 

Sam sighs and figures if he can’t beat the he should joint them. The three sit He manages half before he begins to feel the all-familiar tug of queasiness, he begins to pick at his sandwich instead forcing a bit down every so often.

“Do you think the amendment will pass the bill?” Josh asks, ignoring Toby’s glare as he puts his feet up on his desk with a grin – it was worth it to see his best friend smile softly. 

“Should be enough to get Anderson, Jackson and Clint in” Sam replies in lieu of eating any more of his lunch. 

“If it gets written in time,” Toby checks his watch pointedly. He can see Sam is struggling with his meal and he decides to give him an out. Despite the general air of tiredness he has to admit thus far he’s putting on a very good show. If Josh is aware of the ploy he doesn’t pass a comment or let them know.

“You brought me lunch,” Sam shrugs with a grateful look at his boss. “I better get going to see Ainsley, thanks for the lunch Josh.” He stands up ignoring the slight feeling light-headedness as he does so. 

“Come find me later?” Josh asks. 

“Sure, I’ll see you at 4 Toby.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By the time his meeting rolls around Sam has to admit he might have overestimated his abilities today. The low level nausea has increased to the point he tries the ginger sweets CJ had thoughtfully given him, relieved it eased things a little. The fatigue is beginning to overwhelm him, making him very weary and the thought of walking to the Rooservelt room and sitting in a meeting for the next two hours fills him with dread. At least Toby is there. 

“You hanging in there?” CJ asks, smirk in her voice. 

Sam looks up from his research, not that he is sure he is even reading it anymore. 

“Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?” He asks in lieu of a reply. 

CJ’s eyebrow raises at the avoidance – they’re all politicians here but doesn’t push for an answer. The lack of answer tells her all. 

“What’s next on the agenda?” She asks perching on the edge of his desk, eyeing up the open box of sweets next to Sam’s phone. Clearly Sam’s struggling, she isn’t surprised, if anything she’s surprised he’s even in work, let alone lasted this long after seeing him last weekend. In fact if she didn’t know how unwell he had been she would never have known he’d been ill. 

“Meeting with the green party guys, we have a meeting at 4 ” Sam replies, taking a deep breath against the nausea. He must look a little better then he feels as CJ nods. 

“Let me know if you need 5.” CJ offers. 

“Thanks I’ll be ok,” Sam reassures her with a smile. “How’s your day been? He asks to distract her putting down his pen. 

CJ decides to answer instead of asking any more questions. “Well no major disasters yet,” she replies lightly giving his shoulder before jumping off his desk. 

“I’ll let you get back to it,” She leaves him to it. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
“So we need," Sam takes off his glasses and rubs at his left eye. Toby looks at his deputy concerned but lets him continue. 

"We need your support on the bill," Sam finishes off lamely, looking at the table embarrassed at how much he is running out of steam. His head is aching and the nausea is gradually increasing.

"I cannot repeat that enough," Toby interjects, and begins to wrap up the meeting. Sam sits back in his chair, feeling disappointed in himself that he couldn't finish the meeting as he had planned. The disappointment is outweighed by the tiredness he feels. He tries to listen to Toby, to the 5 representatives in the room but he really can't pay attention. He is brought back into the room when he notices everyone stands up. 

He smiles through the handshakes, Toby's hand on his shoulder - grounding him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josh finds his best friend sitting at his desk, head in hands. The deputy chief of staff can see the exhaustion in Sam’s frame. He knocks on the doorframe to let his friend know he’s there and give him a chance to restart the pretence he’s ok.

Sam doesn’t even have the energy to sit up straight, but he does look up and smiles softly.

“Hey Josh,” he greets his friend. His best friend can spot by the squint in the left eye that Sam has a headache. 

“You ready to head home?” Josh asks, taking in how pale and drawn Sam looks. 

“Yeah,” Sam admits honestly, his head is pounding and his eyes feels gritty. He feels nauseous again, and the thought of trying to return back to work in less than 12 hours makes him want to cry a little. 

“You want a lift?” Josh asks, not sure his friend would be able to drive himself home. Josh checked his watch – 7pm. In fairness, it was a lot longer then he thought the Californian would manage today. Especially after the weekend. 

“Please,” Sam doesn’t even have it in him to argue. His eyelids feel heavy. 

“You eat dinner yet? I can order on the way home.” Josh offers, grabbing Sam’s coat, it’s a testament to how weary same is that he hasn’t even changed position from his chair. 

“I’m not hungry,” Sam protests finally standing up on his weary legs, gripping the edge of the desk as his head swam momentarily. 

“C’mon Sam, let’s get you home.” Josh decides not to push it and take Sam home, knowing he wouldn’t get too far tonight by pushing Sam.

Sam manages to refrain from asking about work until he was in the car. 

“We going to be ready to announce the bill next week?” Sam asks, eyes closed against the streetlights that were increasing the aching in his head. 

“We should be,” Josh answers, aware Sam is in likelihood feeling guilty that he would be out of commission when the bill was brought into the house.

“Sam you’ve done a lot of the leg work on this already,” Josh reassured him, “and you have time to do any further work if you need. We have plenty of time ok?” 

Sam just nods, not sure if he quite believes him but he’s too tired to argue any further this evening.

“You should tell Donna,” Sam states softly, opening an eye. 

“What? You sure?” Josh asks surprised. Sam hadn’t mentioned discussing the diagnosis, or treatment with anyone other then the strict few. As far as Josh knew he hadn’t even told his parents yet. 

“Yeah, I mean…it’s Donna” Sam answers – the pair had become a lot closer in more recent months after Sam’s father’s affair was revealed. Sam is also aware of how close Donna and Josh are, and it’s only fair that his friend has someone to confide in. 

“I don’t have to,” Josh protests. 

“No she can…she can help….and she should know.” 

Josh just nods, the idea of his assistant knowing already eases the ever-present knot in his stomach since he found out – how did they only find out about this 4 days ago?

“She’ll be discreet,” Josh promises.

“I know,” Sam smiles softly and dozes for the rest of the ride home.

XXXXXXXXXXX

“You look tired,” Donna states softly from Josh’s doorway. Josh was looking over Sam’s work on the bill, trying to add what he could so Sam could take it easier in the upcoming week – not that he would unless his body forced him. 

Truthfully Josh was tired, and un-nerved at seeing his usually healthy friend so exhausted. He also didn’t understand half the bill. He really needed Sam. 

“Thanks Donna,” he replies sarcastically, unable to come up with anything else. 

“I brought you coffee” Donna offers, aware of the stress Josh is radiating. She’s concerned about her boss, about all the senior staff really, she hasn’t seen them this strung out since Rosslyn. 

Josh smiled small but genuine, feeling a pang of fondness that he tries so often to ignore when it comes to Donna – he cannot pull at that thread, he cannot bear to lose her as a friend.

“Donatella Moss what would I do without you?” He smiles softly. “Why don’t you take seat for a second, close the door.” 

Donna nods, apprehension on her face but does as he suggests. She knows this cannot be good news. 

“Josh, what’s going on?” She asks, trepidation clear in her voice. 

“Look I appreciate things have been…tense…..this week.” Josh begins, “I appreciate your help this week. It’s Sam….Sam has cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma…he started treatment this week.” 

Donna feels a jolt in her stomach at the words – scared for Sam, shocked at the news, worried about Josh and how he’s taking this.

“Oh god, Josh…” she gasps. “I…what can I do?” 

Josh smiles again at her words, feeling instantly better knowing he has Donna on their side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter! Sorry

Hi guys 

Thanks for all the comments kudos and bookmarks. I’ve had some bad news on a personal front and I don’t know how long it will take me to update 

I am planning to finish this story and I have some written already but to write about this disease right now and mortality is something I cannot really do

Thank you in advance for your patience


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's rough day 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments - I have restarted writing...
> 
> Let me know what you guys think.

“Can you ring Sam?” Leo looks apologetic but they need his opinion. The run up to finalising the bill is ramping up, and the team need his opinion on an important sticking point.

Josh hesitates and checks his watch. Sam would be half-way through his treatment, and truth be told Josh is aware that despite his promise – the likelihood of him being able to take him home is looking slim. Donna is trying to arrange a meeting with a rogue democrat, and he at some point will need to try and talk to the Hoynes. The guilt he feels at not being able to help his best friend as promised feels like a lump in his throat – all he wants to do is be able to sit with his friend as he suffers from the side effects of his treatment. Josh is painfully aware that the first session was likely a fluke – that no matter how much he wanted to be somewhere else, the pace of the job wouldn’t allow him an afternoon of working at home twice in a 2 week cycle. The nagging part of his brain is aware that is unlikely Sam’s job will allow him that too. 

“We really do need his opinion,” Toby sighs looking resigned but very angry about it. The terse tone snaps the New-Englander out of that particular line of thinking – and despite the guilt he feels, the younger man is pleased to be interrupted from that. 

Josh sighs but picks up the phone pressing his speed dial. 

Despite knowing what he was in for this time, the second round doesn’t really go any smoother then the first round. Sam actually feels worse this time around then he did during the first time. He’s not sure if it is because his appetite never truly returned from the last round, nor did the fatigue but he’s cold and queasy almost an hour in to his session. Not one to make a fuss, he sits in discomfort, determined not to bother the very busy nursing staff unless absolutely necessary. At least he has a warm blanket and clothing on this time, to help with the chills. Sam is barely registering the words on the page of his book as his phone rings.

“Hey Josh,” Sam greets shifting in his seat and grimacing as the motion pulls at the IV in his arm. 

The deputy communication’s manager valiantly tries to ignore the pounding in his head as he tries to listen to Josh’s voice. The queasiness is beginning to increase as he listens, the exasperated higher tone of his friend’s voice piercing through his head.

“No, look why don’t you take out the second clause that would get Mason on board,” Sam has to take a breath as his stomach lurches. As if on cue, the same nurse from the last session comes in she smiles softly as he mouths a sorry and she shakes her head letting him know its ok he can’t give her a proper hello.

“No, he’ll need some leeway with the farmers.” Sam leans back against the pillows, giving his left arm for his blood pressure with a gentle smile. He breathes deeply again as the nausea washes over him. Noticing his pallor and manner, the older nurse takes his wrist and gives his hand a squeeze.

“Breathe,” She coaches him softly through it with a smile as Sam obliges. The smile drops when she sees how low his blood pressure is. Sensing that she might want to speak to him Sam begins to wrap up the call.

“Try that, speak to Mason about it today, then,” Sam pauses for a moment and swallows back a gag, the nurse brings him a basin, and squeezes his shoulder gently. “See if you can arrange some support with Decker and Smith. They owe us.” 

“That makes sense thanks Sam,” Josh replies, slightly in awe that his friend can come up with such rational thoughts when he Leo and Toby have been debating this for two days and whilst on chemo. Sam sounds ok, and to all those who don’t know him like Josh they wouldn’t be able to pick up the tired tone to Sam’s voice. He decides that he cannot be distracted by this much longer so decides to rip off the band-aid. 

“Sam I’m not going to be able to pick you up today,” Josh’s tone is so apologetic that Sam can’t help but smile fondly.

“It’s ok” he reassures his friend before he can tell him he’ll get a taxi Josh interrupts him.

“Sam, Donna could come?” He offers, and despite not wanting to put anyone out, or anyone to see him suffering the idea of having a friendly face pick him up really cheers him up.

“I…yeah ok.” Sam decides not to argue, aware that he doesn’t have the energy to anyways. He says a quick bye to his friend, not even registering that the nurse is still in the room. He sighs and lets his eyes slip shut for a moment.

“You ok Hun?” She asks warmly, and Sam jumps realising her hand is still on his shoulder. “You’re looking a bit pale.”

“Sorry, I uh yeah” Sam replies unconvincingly. 

“You sure?” She asks eyebrow raised in disbelief.

“What’s your name? Sorry I think I forgot it.” Sam frowns at his own oversight. The nurse smiles softly at his genuine apology and concern.

“It’s Jan, and you didn’t answer my question,” She replies, putting the cuff around his arm to check his blood pressure again. It had been a little low. 

“Hi Jan, I uh, I’m a bit queasy this time.” Sam admits looking down at his hands, oddly embarrassed at the admission. 

“Why don’t I try and help with that?” Jan replies with a gentle smile, “You’re blood pressure is a little low, can you try and keep sipping some water?” She asks, not really asking, filling up his glass and pushing it towards him. 

Sam nods with a sigh. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Donna I need a favour?” Josh’s voice startles his assistant from the task in front of her.

“At your service as always, what will it be this time oh master?” Donna sighs as if it is a hardship. At the lack of a retort she looks up, smirk sliding off her voice at just how serious her boss looks.  
Josh tilts his head towards his office, and she stands up following him, slightly concerned.

“With this bill going on, I can’t pick up Sam today…and neither can Toby, or CJ…..” Josh admits, rubbing his face tiredly as he leans against his desk.

“I can get him,” Donna immediately volunteers, not even registering that Josh might ask her to do it anyways. Or that he had just put her in 4th place in the list of possible lifts for Sam. 

Despite how worn down he feels – with the bill, the re-election campaign and worry about Sam. Not to mention the cold war he and Amy are currently in with her working for Stackhouse, Josh smiles at the action. 

This is why he is always grateful to have Donatella Moss in his life. 

“You sure?” Josh asks, “He’s not…well he isn’t much company after a treatment.” 

Donna just rolls her eyes, a no-shit look on her face, “even more reason why he needs a friendly face right?” 

Josh smiles despite how stressed he feels. He loves this woman, as a human and maybe more than that, but Josh cannot think more than that right now.

“Thanks Donna,” Josh’s voice is so sincere that Donna’s hear aches.

“Want some coffee?” She offers instead, a rare offer for the tougher days.

“Yeah,” Josh fights around the lump in his throat as he is reminded of just how many people are in Sam’s corner. When Donna comes back she lets her hand linger on his shoulder as she stands on his side of the desk, letting him have a moment to absorb her comfort. Neither discuss Sam, nor the bill for the rest of the day. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“You’re all set Sam,” Jan disconnects his IV. She feels a soft spot forming already for the young man in front of her. 

“Thanks,” Sam sighs, not quite ready to stand up yet. He feels a little lightheaded, but so far the medication Jan gave him is helping him feel a little better. 

“Your ride’s here, she seems lovely.” Jan cannot help but tease as she checks his blood pressure one last time. 

“She is,” Sam replies with a small smile. As if in cue there’s a tentative knock on the door frame. 

“Hey Sam,” Donna smiles despite her concern at the very pale communications deputy sitting in front of her. Truthfully, she feels a bit a nervous, although her and Sam are a lot closer than they were previously, it’s odd to see Sam so unwell. She is also aware that the younger member of the team would not want to see him so unlike himself.

“Hey Donna,” he replies with a smile. Donna breathes an internal sigh of relief, happy to see Sam at least trying to be normal.

“You’re all set hon, look after yourself I’ll see you in a week or so” the nurse squeezes his arm gently before she leaves.

“You ready to go?” Donna asks after a moment. 

“Yeah,” Sam stands on unsteady legs, and Donna instantly walks closer to his side, a gentle supportive hand on his arm. Slowly, letting Sam set the pace they walk towards the car.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“I think I might just stay here” Sam jokes as Donna pulls into the parking bay at his apartment. Donna smiles and reaches over to give his arm a squeeze. Sam’s surprised at the contact but welcomes the warmth of her hand on his arm, and the small comfort it gives. 

“Come on, we can get you lying down and everything,” Donna promises. 

“That sounds really good,” Sam sighs, eyeing up the steps wearily. 

“You ready?” Donna doesn’t really give him a chance to respond hoping out the car. 

Tiredly he pulls his body out of the car, grimacing as he stomach churns at the movement. Donna sees him turn green and feels nervous butterflies fill her stomach. Is she going to be able to help him? She hates seeing him so unwell. 

“You ok?” She asks after a moment. 

“Yeah,” he exhales after a moment. 

It’s painstakingly slow but the pair get into the apartment, and Donna’s concerned at how much he is shaking. Sam doesn’t stop at the sofa as Donna thought he might but determinedly continues to the bathroom and Donna grimaces as he hears violent retching several moments later. 

Giving him a moment of privacy Donna takes a moment and fills a glass of water, hesitating. She knows that Sam wouldn’t want her to see him like this, sick and well vulnerable. She’s worried though, and she doesn’t want him to be unwell alone. The blonde flips her phone out, to call Josh and see what he thinks, then remembers that he is in meetings all day, which is why she offered to pick him up in the first place.   
Slowly Donna walks slowly towards the bathroom, glass in hand. 

“Sam?” She knocks gently and pushes the door open. The light of the bathroom is off, casting the bathroom into darkness but Donna can see the outline of Sam leaning against the bath. Head on his knees. He sits in silence, giving no indication that he heard her.

She sits on the floor next to him, gently rubbing his arm as she spots the small shivers running through him. 

“Take a couple of sips Sam,” Donna gently pushes the glass into his shaking hands. That does grab the Californian’s attention. He raises his head wearily, “thanks, you can go…” he states softly.   
Donna snorts softly, carding a hand through his hair, “I’m ok right here.” 

Sam just nods closing his eyes tiredly. He knows its futile to protest, and truthfully, he just doesn’t really have the energy to argue for once. The nausea spikes again and Sams shifts uncomfortably on the tile floor. 

Donna realises what’s about to happen and decides to give Sam the privacy he probably wants. She stands up quietly and grimaces as she hears a loud gag. Several minutes later she returns with the throw from the back of the sofa. When she returns Sam is back leaning on the bath, as he lifts his head Donna sighs at how pale he is. 

Pushing back his sweaty hair of his forehead she simultaneously wraps him in the blanket. 

“Want to go to bed?” She asks after another few minutes of silence. 

“Can we just stay here?” Sam asks quietly, voice hoarse and raw. He sounds so young, and unlike Sam. It’s jarring really. Donna works with these men, some of the most powerful in the country, but today…today they’re just Sam and Donna. 

“Course we can,” Donna reassures him, wrapping her arm around him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

By the time Wednesday comes around Sam heads back to work, eager to get back to the bill. Truthfully his heart is in it but his body really isn’t. By the time 6am Wednesday rolls around, he really wished he had taken Josh’s offer of driving him to work. Or even Leo’s offer to stay at home.

He didn’t though, so despite the rolling nausea in his stomach he pulls himself out of bed, determined not to let anyone down. He sits at the side of the bed ignoring the lazy spinning of the room. He takes a few steadying breaths, and slowly heads into the bathroom to shower. He can’t face any breakfast, or coffee, which is just as well as it takes him so long to get ready that by the time he is work ready he has to leave or he will be late.

Just the walk from the parking lot to the west wing has his legs trembling, and light-headed. He knows he isn’t really ready to come to work, the past few days have been exhausting and he’s barely been able to eat the past few days. Once again he is truthfully grateful for his friends and co – workers for their support and help, but he has become more aware that despite his determination to act as normal as possible, he needs to concede he can’t really. 

Sam’s never been more grateful to see his office and sinks into his chair wearily, allowing himself a few moments to rest before the day starts.

FLASHBACK 

Josh is unusually quiet as he pushes the door open to his friend’s apartment. Its silent, which is a good sign but then at 9pm he didn’t really expect anything else. He was not surprised to see Donna sitting out Sam’s couch still, sunk into the cushions and listlessly flicking through the TV. 

“Hey Donna,” he greets her quietly holding a bag of takeout for two. 

“Hey Josh,” she gives a small tired smile. Josh recognises it as the face he saw in the mirror 12 days ago…god how has Sam managed to cope with two rounds in 15 days? 

“Hungry?” He joins her on the couch and pulls out the boxes of Chinese and two bottles of beer. 

“Thanks,” Donna leans forward to retrieve the goods. 

“You ok?” Josh asks, tired himself, but more concerned about his assistant, his friend.

“Yeah, Sam’s asleep….it’s been a hard afternoon.” Donna admits with a sigh.

“I’m glad you were able to be with him today,” Josh squeezes her thigh. “So was Sam.” 

“Yeah,” Donna smiles softly, and despite himself and the careful distance the pair put between themselves, he pulls her into a hug and kisses the top of her head. Once again he is grateful to have Donatella Moss in his life. 

END FLASHBACK

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam keeps to himself most of the day after staff. He does it under the pretence of work but truthfully he is too tired and nauseous to really engage in the banter of the West Wing. He has a headache, which is making the new labour bill in front of him a little difficult to read. He needs to read it though – he and Toby need to try and get a few stray democrats on board, whilst Josh has to battle with republicans before it goes to the floor. 

“It was a good move with Mason,” Toby observes from the doorway, concerned at how tired and drawn Sam looks already this morning. 

“Didn’t expect Smith or Jackson to turn though,” Sam mumbles into the page. 

“Well you’re not psychic Sam,” Toby sighs as he joins his deputy sitting on the corner of his desk. Sam smiles softly rubbing his forehead. 

“We should have predicted this,” He argues, with very little of the vigour he normally has, “you’ve all been so concerned about….”

“Sam don’t even finish that sentence,” Toby warns flatly. “It’s not your fault, this….it’s the fault of 3 idiot democrats.”

Sam blows out a breath, leaning back in his chair. 

Toby takes a moment to really look at his deputy – concerned at his lack of colour, energy and enthusiasm. 

“You sure you don’t want to skip this?” Toby offers mildly, aware what the answer would be. 

“I’ll be ok,” Sam reassures his boss, “might need a nap later” he admits with a rueful smile.

Toby just nods, not sure what to say……..It was going to be a long day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a very long day...even by Whitehouse standards

“He alright?” CJ asks Josh after Leo dismisses the pair from his office. It had been a relentless day even by their usual standards, CJ can’t even comprehend how Sam is functioning 48 hours after his last session.   
“I’ve let him hide away this morning,” Josh admits. He would like to say it was all for Sam however truth be told Josh’s schedule remains busy and he is exhausted. Too tired to keep checking in, plus his friends office is next to Toby’s. 

CJ nods, and always seems to get the subtle sub-text to the message – god she’s smart. Not quite sure what to say for the best the press secretary decides to squeeze his arm instead.

“Want to grab a drink later?” She offers instead, sensing Josh might need some decompression time. 

Josh huffs a laugh, “It’s optimistic to think we’re going to get out of here for a drink tonight.”

CJ smirks, realising just how true that could be, “Some places are open pretty late….I might even drive you home but I’m not tucking you in.” She adds with a teasing tone. 

Josh just nods with a wink. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Truth is Sam is alright – just about. He eats half a sandwich and fruit for lunch out of sheer intimidation from Toby as the pair look through the bill in preparation for their meeting. It helps actually to have the distraction of a discussion while he eats, and the company gives him a second wind. 

“We ready?” Leo asks from the doorway of Toby’s office 

“As we will ever be,” Toby deadpans, standing and resisting the urge to place a hand on Sam’s arm as he stands and ask his deputy if he’s ok.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The adrenaline crash of the bill crisis starts as soon as Sam reaches his office. It was a good result. A great result but Sam is struggling to bask in the glory. The low-level nausea which had faded begins to return, as does the pounding behind his left eye. He knows he should just go home, but truthfully he isn’t sure he can drive. Toby has gone to debrief Leo, and CJ who is awaiting the next press briefing. It’s a result which has energised them all, worth the long days of preparation. Despite how awful he feels Sam tries to concentrate on the feeling that today they have achieved something, something which will benefit millions of US workers. 

Sam slowly sinks into his chair, grimacing at how much he’s aching and put’s his head into his hands, allowing himself a few moments of rest. 

“Sam, he wants you in the Oval in 10” Cathy throws in as she walks past the door he’s forgotten to close in his haste to sit down. The deputy communications director doesn’t even register the voice, or the fact his door is open until he senses someone in the doorway to his office. 

“Sam? You ok?” It’s Cathy and she sounds concerned. The man lifts his head but hesitates, not sure whether to lie, or to come clean. He’s come to the realisation days ago that he cannot really hide this, as his treatment continues he’s going to feel worse and as he feels worse, and looks worse, he might need to….slow down, or stop. Not that Sam has left himself think too much about that. 

Cathy is still standing at the doorway, but closes the door as he hesitates – clearly realising he isn’t ok. God he has the best assistant. 

“Sam?” She prompts again as she stands closer to his desk.

“Have a seat,” Sam gestures tiredly to the chair opposite the desk.

“What’s wrong?” Cathy asks, clearly worried now.

“I,” Sam sighs, “The reason I’ve been absent so lately, I have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Stage 2. It’s treatable and I’m having chemo.” He explains quietly, averting his eyes as she spots the tears forming in his assistant’s eyes. He grimaces because there really isn’t a good way to tell someone this – and he should be better at it the number of times he’s explained this. 

“Sam,” Cathy exhales the name, completely shocked and concerned. 

“I’ll be ok Cathy,” he reassures her, “only senior staff know….and Donna because…well Josh” he decides to spin the truth a little to save any further explanation or excuses - god he is tired.   
Cathy chuckles a little teary at that, “can I do anything?”

Sam smiles, genuinely grateful for all those he works with. “No more than you normally do. I’ll be in and out for a while, shorter days sometimes…I might need you to send me things home.” Sam explains. 

“I think I can do that,” Cathy reassures him. She huffs a small laugh, which startles Sam. 

“That explains the tea, and the full coffee pot,” she teases.

Sam smiles too – tired but genuine. 

“More for everyone else for a while, Its too bitter.” Sam feels even queasier just thinking about it. Cathy doesn’t really know what to say so she grabs his hand instead and the Califorian focuses on that rather than how awful he is beginning to feel.

“I’ll stock up on tea then,” Cathy promises after a moment refusing to let go of his hand.

“Thanks,” Sam replies realising that he is going to have to get used to yet more fussing. 

“No-one else knows yet, I think I might ask Toby to tell Ginger and Bonnie…but until he does….” Sam lets his sentence trail off, realising how unfair it is to ask Cathy to keep this to herself.  
“It’s ok Sam I will wait until they tell me…I can always talk to Donna” she reassures him, knowing him well enough to realise his loss of words. 

Sam just squeezes her hand, and the two share a moment before Sam heads off to the Oval.

XXXXXXXXX

“They did it?!” Donna grins asking the unnecessary question as Josh strolls into the bullpen looking happier than he has in days.

“They did, the dynamic duo strike again,” Josh smiles and Donna grins happy for a small victory this week. 

“That’s great….you’ve got phone-calls to return..” Donna rattles off his to do list as Josh walks into his office. The victories never get celebrated for long….

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“He’ll be ready in two Sam,” Charlie greets the older man as Sam wearily drags himself to the Oval.

Sam just nods, trying to use his remaining energy to stay upright. Tiredly he leans against the wall, not wanting to face the sheer torture of standing up again after sitting down.   
“You ok there?” Charlie asks, watching the communication’s deputy, eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah, long week.” Sam replies with a smile.

“It’s Wednesday Sam,” Charlie points out, picking up the phone as it rings. “He’s ready for you now….”

Sam just nods and drags himself into the Oval. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“He told you.” Toby states bluntly as Cathy hovers at his door. 

“Yeah…” Cathy admits, not really sure why she feels the need to go to Toby, but since Sam told her an hour ago she just felt a bit well lost…and useless. Something she was not used to being as an assistant. 

“Shut the door” Toby instructs placing down his pen.

Cathy sits down awkwardly in the chair opposite Toby’s desk. Despite being in the Whitehouse for almost 2 years she has not really stepped in here often, working for Sam. 

“Are you ok?” Toby asks softly, catching Cathy off guard although she shouldn’t be – their big boss was a secret softie.

“It’s just….I’m worried about him, and I feel…well useless.” Cathy admits looking at her toes. 

Toby sighs, standing up around his desk to perch on the edge of his desk, closer to the woman. 

“Me too.” He admits softly.

XXXXXXXXXXX

“Sam, how are you doing son?” President Bartlett greets the younger man as he walks in. As the leader of the free world he’s used to smiling politely while eyeing up those in front of him. Sam did not look well, which given he had cancer treatment 48 hours ago he probably isn’t at his best.

“Ok thank you.” Sam replies politely, starting to feel a bit lightheaded in the glass room. He pulls slightly at his collar, a move not unnoticed by the older man. 

“Take a seat there,” he called the meeting as he wanted to check on the youngest of the team. Sam had been doing excellent work for him for years – and it hadn’t faltered even though he was going through what sounds like hellish treatment. He passes Sam a water, which Sam takes gratefully as he tries to ignore how the room tilts around him. 

“I just wanted to see how you were doing? That was some great work with the labour bill. Toby told me you were the lead on this,” Jed explains. 

Sam smiled a little at the praise, “Thanks Sir.” Jed leans forward concerned at how quiet his talkative deputy communications director is. 

“You doing ok Sam?” He asks, so genuine that Sam forgets for a moment that he is speaking to his boss, the most powerful man in the world. The words so full of fatherly concern that it almost makes Sam want his own dad, almost that hurt still runs deep. 

“Yeah,” Sam’s tired tone reveals how he really feels. 

“Sam?” Jed’s tone takes on that of a father of three daughters.

“I’m tired,” Sam admits sinking into his sofa. “Its just….it’s a lot to deal with,” 

“I think that’s an understatement there,” Jed chuckles making Sam smile. 

“Have you told your folks?” 

Sam shifts a bit uncomfortable at the personal element of the conversation, but also at how light-headed he feels. Jed leans forward, noticing how pale he suddenly looks. Sam cannot help but close his eyes for a second as the room begins to spin around him, increasing the nausea he feels.

“Sam?” It’s Leo’s voice that joins them from the doorway to the conjoined office next to the Oval. He spots how white their youngest team members, and how dark the circles under his eyes look.  
“Can you call Abby? She’s in the residence” Jed asks, forgetting who he is for a moment – right now he is a concerned friend/father figure. 

Leo uses the phone at the Oval. Sam opens his mouth to protest but he can’t find the energy to protest, and he’s concerned that he might vomit if he does. Now he’s no longer got work to finish, he finds the long day catching up with him. 

“It’s ok Sam, just take a minute.” Jed reassures him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. He grimaces as he can feel some warmth coming off him.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“I hear one of us doesn’t know their limits” It’s Mrs Bartlett’s voice that rouses Sam from his state of partial doze. 

“Hey Mrs Bartlett,” Sam opens his eyes, straightening in his seat – always polite.

“Don’t you even think about standing up,” She adds firmly. Despite the tone, she sits down next to him, and can’t help but gently pushing the hair off his too-warm forehead. 

“How you doing honey?” She asks softly. 

“Not so great,” Sam admits knowing once Mrs Bartlett got involved there was little point in trying to resist.

“Can we elaborate?” She prompts with a wry smile, she shares a concerned look with Jed. 

“Bit lightheaded, nauseous…tired” Sam admitted with a sigh.

“You’re warm, when was you last treatment?” She asks despite having it marked at the calendar. 

“Monday,” Sam leans forward as he replies resting his head in his hands.

“And you’re back today?” She asks her tone flat, indicating what she thought of that.

“There was…” he swallows thickly as he begins to feel sick again, “ a thing.”

“A thing? Too big for you to stay home at rest?” Abby asks, she takes his wrist and feels his pulse. It’s fast.

“Well I am irreplaceable,” Sam grins fatigue evident on his grey face. Abby smiles but she spots the insecurity in his eyes. She makes a note to probe that later. 

“Sam honey we need to get you lying down,” Abby instructs and if Sam didn’t feel so light-headed and unwell he would be mortified. Here he is, in the office of the leader of the free-world, practically fainting. 

“You have plenty of time to be embarrassed later.” She smiles at him, she nips the skin at the back oh his hand grimacing as it takes a while to recoil. “You’re really dehydrated, and exhausted….and 48 hours post chemo trying to work 12 hours. You need to rest.” 

“Promise,” Sam crosses his heart and Abby chuckles softly. 

“You need to monitor that fever too Sam, you’re warm.” She advises. 

Sam just nods, now he is sitting, and now they know how unwell he feels it’s hard to pretend anymore. 

“No work tomorrow.” Jed speaks up – having been content to watch Abby in work-mode, and quietly observing Sam, he felt the need to speak up. He had also noticed the slight brittleness when they had discussed him being irreplaceable. 

“I’ll call Josh,” unbeknownst them to all Leo had been watching the whole time. If Sam had the strength he would roll his eyes – bunch of mother hens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too out of character...Felt the ending was a bit difficult

**Author's Note:**

> What do you guys think? 
> 
> Also don't worry there is a lot of Sam/Josh friendship love coming up...they just got to be idiots first


End file.
